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Poetry
I'm scared of thunder!!
By kerry1983
12 October 2006
Dark clouds grumble overhead,
What I'd give to be in bed.

Walking along the quiet street,
Not a single soul I meet.

Foxes scatter at my presence,
through the fog - thick and intense.

Turning down an unlit lane,
I feel the first drops of the rain.

Faster now I quicken pace,
feeling splashes on my face.

Seeking shelter under walls,
Heavier now - the rain falls.

Pandemonium in the sky,
trying hard to just stay dry.

Thunderous bangs, roars so bold,
my warm body turns to cold.

Flashing, sparking, strips and streaks,
A target now! it seems to seek.

Suddenly, it all turns quiet.
Mother nature hushed the riot.

Along to work - I now drift.
To start the first of my nightshift.









Reviews
Hi Kerry
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 11th October 2006
Foxes scatter at my presence, 
through the fog - thick and dense 
 
try  
 
Foxes scatter at my presence, 
through fog that's- thick, intense. 
 
Presence has two beats so has intense. 
 
Just a thought. 
 
Thanks for your time and comments, 
 
Brian
Scared of thunder
Written by Josie (2496 comments posted) 12th October 2006
Your title is good. I think you are nearly there with the rhythm, but not quite. eg  
Dark clouds grumble overhead, 
What I would give to be in bed. 
 
Dark clouds grumble (1) overhead (2) 
 
You can clap your hands to this. Then you would need to change the next line to: 
 
"Oh that I (1) were in my bed."(2) 
 
There are one or two other little things - but if you go through your poem and clap for two beats each line, you will see them.  
 
Try: through the fog (1) so thick and dense.(2) 
 
On the whole you have done a really good job with this poem. You have used many of your "senses" in your descriptions - especially sound. I really liked this poem.

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