Great Writing - Home > Short S. > Give Us This Day
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1073 guests online and 2 members online
Shorts
Give Us This Day
By umbugjug
24 May 2005
this is a funny little thing that came out of nowhere one day

Give Us This Day

I do not know why I have been taken from my companions and left here alone in the dark. I cause no harm, I do no wrong, I break no laws. I do not deserve this fate, this maltreatment. 

Although I am alone, I can sense another of our band nearby, but I cannot make out where. This is of little comfort - surely the same fate awaits us both.

The cage tightens around me with a metallic click. I cannot move.  

Instant warmth, then heat, unbearable, everywhere. No hiding place, no shadow, all around, everything turned orange by it. What is this torture? Why me, I only exist for the benefit of others, I do no harm. This torment is deserving of others.

My skin crackles, hardens, singes. It is hard to think, to keep hold. Who is my persecutor? Why am I inflicted so? What purpose can such agony serve when I know nothing? As the minutes pass, I think of this. And my brother? Is the same fate befalling my companion in this purgatory? Has he been allowed respite?     

As the minutes pass I feel more acute pain, penetrating into my very heart, heating my flesh until my very soul is on fire. I cannot feel pity for my tormentor though surely I must, for forgiveness is more than I can offer.  

And the pain and the agony and the burn worsen. I am burnt. I am gone. I am dead, my fate is here. I am finished. I am burnt. I am, I am dead. I am, I am - CLUNK - I am toast.

Reviews
Please lie back and relax... Now,
Written by Nearlypastit (50 comments posted) 24th May 2005
Bread is food not people. Now if it were Marshmallows you might have a point, they do feel pain, it's scientifically proven. 
 
The structure is very good and considered, you demonstrate a high competence with written language. Just watch the ever so slightly arty farty build up to what is after all, a punchline.  
 
Great, but this is boarderline lunacy though you do realise that don't you? 
 
of course how could i miss it?
Written by umbugjug (46 comments posted) 24th May 2005
marshmallows. fantastic idea. imagine what must go through their minds as a gawpky teenager approaches with a burnt stick. that pressure build up as the soft skin is pushed inwards, stretching until, finally the outer membrane is pierced and the soft inner core is rent asunder. then to be spit roasted over an open flame...my, oh my.  
 
my kind reviewer is absolutely correct of course. i do need a lie down.

Written by Clodagh (29 comments posted) 24th May 2005
Marshmallows feel nothing- they're barely even food!!! This piece is hillarious, I was thinking it was a caleb williams esque inner angst kind of piece then you slapped me with some toast- it makes me want toast in fact damn you- and marshmallows- maybe marshmallows on toast lol. Sorry Im being silly but this is wonderful

Written by oxy (28 comments posted) 24th May 2005
A great piece, well done on both sides.
Butter me up..
Written by Ostara (61 comments posted) 24th May 2005
I wasn't going to add anything here, as previous reviewers has said it all - great build up and hilarious punchline. A great premise all round, so well done Umb! 
 
I just had to say - Oxy... "well done on both sides" really cracked me up :grin I didn't get it until I had clicked off the page, but it was worth it!!
nicely delivered
Written by kevinrobson73 (371 comments posted) 24th May 2005
devilish and ingenious -i liked it very much
hee hee
Written by artsnflowers (48 comments posted) 25th May 2005
I liked this. It was reminiscent of one someone else wrote about doughnuts. Doughnuts and marshmallows and toast, all as people. I don't know, what's the world coming to nowadays?

Written by spiderbaby49 (137 comments posted) 26th May 2005
When I got to 'my skin crackles' I was sure it was going to be a sausage!!!!! 
 
Well done. 
V amusing. 
spidey

Written by austheke (35 comments posted) 5th May 2007
i was thinking completely off. 
 
well done! i like it. i had to reread it a couple times, though. 
 
the first reviewer is right; the build-up seems a little overdone.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item