Hey funny people...{and I mean that in a nice way} please leave feedback if poss... I have posted this on a different forum, and although I got lotsa hits, no-one commented at all *furtively sniffs armpits*
INT. GIRLS BEDROOM – NIGHT
A seven year old girl is snuggled up to her mum, while she reads to her from a book.
MUM
Once upon a time, Little Red Riding Hood's socially inadequate mother forced her to take some wine and biscuits to her alcoholic grandmother.
LITTLE GIRL
You mean... like my Granny?
MUM
Yes dear, now don't interrupt. Anyway, Little Red Riding Hood rather unwisely chose the path through the creepy woods, where a wolf-like teenage boy hung out. He spotted Little Red Riding Hood skipping along, gathering rare plants, and saw his chance.
LITTLE GIRL
Did he eat her all up, Mummy?
MUM
No, he reported her to the Royal Horticultural Society for picking rare fauna, and she was barred from the society’s echelons for life.
LITTLE GIRL
Was that bad, Mummy?
MUM
Her mother never recovered from the shame, and took her own life by drinking hemlock.
LITTLE GIRL
I'll never pick rare flowers again, Mummy.
MUM
Good girl! |
Written by sasquatch (125 comments posted) 13th October 2006 | Excellent!
lovely little poisonous toadstool of a tale.
Good skills.
Sasquatch | Love it
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 13th October 2006 | Completely unexpected twist.
Brilliant,
Brian | Hi EBG
Written by cynicsid (177 comments posted) 13th October 2006 | BRN so liked it that he's dragged his Alter-Ego out to make a comment.
Well you wanted "funny" people.
It is brilliant,
Pretty Boy Siddie. | Hi- you did ask
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3433 comments posted) 16th October 2006 | Well the good news is,it's not your armpits, the bad news is ....well it's not bad news as such. I did think it was too short and the punch line came too quickly also it was clever rather than funny, nothing wrong with clever. I'd love to be clever but I'd have preferred more "funny" given the choice. However my opinon seems to be in a minority, so feel free to ignore
cheers
BBS ( it was a bit funny I suppose) | Feedback
Written by Elbowgrease (4 comments posted) 16th October 2006 | Thank-you from the bottom of the brittle husk that used to be my heart, before BBS came along and broke it by saying I was only a *bit* funny.
You may never hear from me again, as I've decided to drop comedy writing as a direct result of BBS's tirade, and turn my talents to writing deadly serious stuff.
Hence my new project is '1001 Tried and Tested forms of Suicide', of which I am unfortunately both the writer and the tester, although the first one I'm going to try is 'being eaten alive by ants' which could take a while.
Wish me luck!
{Haha! That tickles!}
 | oops
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3433 comments posted) 16th October 2006 | | Blimey,someone has actually taken any notice of something I have said. God I feel really bad now. Look if the ants haven't got to anything vital yet I take it back, it was funny. Anyway there's nothing wrong in being a bit funny that's still a damn sight funnier than "My Family" or "keeping up appearances" They ran for years with out ever being a "bit" funny. In fact come to think of it your skit was funnier than any british sit-com in teh last 30 years so brush the ants off and keep writing. The comedy forum needs all the help it can get. | A kindred spirit.
Written by Snodlander (507 comments posted) 18th October 2006 | I would get very bored very quickly with the fairy tales I had to read my kids when they were small. They were all filled with very incorrect messages and logical inconsistancies. The Missus would give me hell when she caught me telling my versions of them. At some point I shall have to dig up my 3 bears short.
It could have done with being longer, glad you made it into the film Hoodwinked.
On a pedantic note, fauna means native animals. I suspect you meant flora: native plants. | ... off at a tangent ....
Written by Bagheera (683 comments posted) 18th October 2006 |
.... but for anyone who hasn't noticed it, there's currently a competition run by the monthly mag Writing Magazine/Writers' News asking for an ADULT Fairy Tale (details in mag & on website).
This story is disappointingly short, but there isn't a word wasted and it's worthy of a chuckle!! | Why these forums are so great!
Written by Elbowgrease (4 comments posted) 18th October 2006 | I'd given up on 'Ants' and was about to move onto 'Bleach' when BBS's kind words of encouragement made me scrap the suicide book.
However, finding out I'd got a foxglove muddled up with a fox had me reaching for the bottle in shame (don't panic... it was white wine this time.)
Once I was proper plastered, I started to see the funny side, and had a giggle at the visual imagery of Little Red Riding Hood skipping through the woods, grabbing bunny rabbits by the ears and shoving them into a basket.
So, i would just like to say 'All hail Snodlander!' Your eagle eyes have saved me possible future beetroot-ness (not a good look on me).
And cheers for the comp tip, Bagheera... I shall have a peruse.
Incidently, (and I really should have explained earlier,) this piece is meant as a filler in a sketch show, which should explain why it's so vertically challenged.
Thanks again, y'all! |
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