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Poetry
Welcome.
By bloodange77
14 October 2006
I don't know about this one. But I like it so i guess i just put it on the site.

Black, cold, and angry.
Those words describe many things.
But best of all they describe one thing perfectly.
Alone, sad, and forgotten.
Those describe the same thing.
But to know what this things is would kill.
Hopeless, dreamless, and loving.
Those don't quite belong together.
But in this case they do.
Truth, lies, and blood.
Again describing one thing very well.
But I won't tell you yet.
Pain, hurt, and numbness.
Welcome to my very very very
Black, cold, angry,
Alone, sad, forgotten,
Hopeless, dreamless, loving,
Truth-filled, lie-filled, blood-filled,
pained, hurt, and numbed
Heart.
Welcome to my heart.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 14th October 2006
Really liked the idea in this and how it built to the end. After reading both your recent poems I think you have a pretty conversational style in your verse. I'm not sure that's always going to work, at least for me. This is only a personal reaction, and others may disagree - for me, if you tightened up this verse, perhaps formalised it a little, it would have more impact. The idea has much potential. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by MarjoryBanks (14 comments posted) 14th October 2006
I feel kind of neutral about both of these pieces. They seem intense and angsty, but theres none of the beauty of language that I feel poetry needs.  
 
Its very self-indulgent stuff, not badly written by any means, not un-clever, just unfulfilling (for me). 
 
Best wishes, 
 
Madge

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