I have many many feelings to write out but I don't know how I will get them to come out. My best friend asked me what was wrong with me the other day. But I couldn't tell her that it was a little bit her fault. A little bit my boyfriend's fault. A little bit my ex boyfriend's fault. A little bit a funeral's fault. A little bit my fault. No not just a little bit my fault. It's all my fault.

No matter how many times I tell her I don't know she still asks.

"Dawnelle, I am your best friend. You have told me everything that went on in your life. Now you can't tell me what is wrong with you?" she kept asking me.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, no matter how many times you ask the answer is not going to change," I said on the verge of hidden tears," I don't know what to tell you."

"Please tell me why you can't tell me then?" she pleaded.

We'd been over that part too," I don't know what is that is why I can't tell you. Because I don't know."

"Yes you do!" she cried out.

"No I don't. Can we change the subject?" I asked.

"Why are you so depressed?" she kept on the subject.

"I'm still mad at you for not telling me what you and my boyfriend were talking about," I said changing it anyway.

"We were talking about how scared we are. How scared we are about the fact that you are in a subconcious state when you cut, Dawnelle. We are scared that one day you'll cut too deep in the right spot," she said.

"You shouldn't worry about me, I'm not that dumb," I whisper but in my mind I think," I've stopped myself from that many times now."

"Please tell me why you are so depressed," she asked.

I look at her with a sad tired look in my eyes," I feel we are growing apart. You know how I found out that you were talking about my new religion? Storm asked me questions about my cutting and said you were talking about it. That is how."

I looked down the tears trying to force their way up," I feel me and my boyfriend are growing apart. I found out that he cut himself from you. You know what My Mind tells me when I hear things about the people I love from someone else? It tells me,'They are hiding this from you because they don't trust you'."

Finally my tears are to the brim of my eyes and my face is still down," I can't help it. It's come to the point at which I can't even act happy. I do lose all thought of what I am doing when I cut yes that true. I am worried about that too but you guys shouldn't. I love you guys too much to let you see me like this. I love you guys too much to let you worry about me so very much."

They begin slipping down my face so I pretty much keep my head down so she doesn't see how I am at the moment. So she can't see how very depressed I really am. So she can't see what is wrong with me.