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Poetry
The Old Back Porch
By AeoAsivich
14 October 2006
Fixed :)

I remember I printed this "poem" out for something. I remember I ripped it up. I remember I found it again on this old computer. For the only one remembers, here is a raggedy poem for you. You can also say that it is not a poem. Either way, it was written in shame.

The old woman sat in the back porch,
Waiting, during a summer day.
A dove came
As usual,
It perched upon her shoulder.
Cooed and chirped and sang
For those little crumbs of bread.
It had taken a slight interest
In the yarns and threads,
That she wove
Everyday.

But, on one summer day,
The old woman waited,
Just the same.
There was no sign of
The dove.

So summer
Came
And
Went,
Blossomed
And
Fallen,
Aroused 
And
Faded,
And
Came
And
Went.

Though, she still waited
Everyday.
Then, on one summer day,
A crow came and perched and chirped on that old back porch.
It waited for that old woman.
She never came.
It flew,
Flew,
Flew,
And flew, and I guess,
The only thing left was a piece of yarn in that back porch,
Left to sway with the same summer breeze.

Reviews
is the format intentional?
Written by rilLie (327 comments posted) 14th October 2006
hi. is the format intentional? with all the spaces and all? sorry, but i find it disturbing. maybe you copied and pasted it from Microsoft Word? 
but still.. the poem was nice. i liked the subject, too. 
 
cheers, 
rilLie

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 14th October 2006
Liked this a lot. There's a nice roundness/reciprocality (might have made that word up) about it. 
 
I suspect the formatting was intentional, but I'm not sure it adds anything to the piece as a whole. 
 
Enjoyed and look forward to more. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by MarjoryBanks (14 comments posted) 14th October 2006
I echo Phil's comments. Liked the "roundness" of it - but the jaggedy formatting seemed incongrous and unnecessary.  
 
Nice imagery. 
 
Madge
The Old Back Porch
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 14th October 2006
The subject was good but I'm afraid that I found the words scattered across the paper were off-putting when reading it. Was there a reason why you did it this way?
Thank You All!
Written by AeoAsivich (3 comments posted) 14th October 2006
I really needed your reviews. I'm new and not very good at writing, so THANK YOU!

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 15th October 2006
Much improved like this. Considering English is not your first language, this is an excellent attempt. I couldn't even begin a poem in French - the only other language I know more than a few phrases in. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

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