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Poetry
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Spring Haikus
By patterjack
14 October 2006
This is what I wrote before I put up the Autumn Haikus

Setting exercises in various forms of poems for students to try their hand at them really turned me off Haikus as a form. Unless one follows the spiritual rules in their writing , or if one relies instead on mere 5 , 7 , 5 syllable counting , the results are often either dull or pretentious .

Here are some of my own pretentious dullnesses written as part of the class exercises.

Following are the Spring sequence from a block based on the seasons . Each season had 5 haikus devoted to it under the group's overall heading of Love the Magician -- some twenty-one haikus in all :

a. season and colour

b. animal sound or movement

c. The Bell-- a special image for me

d. Nature or stars or sky

e. Personal love

Brace yourselves , There are two more seasons to go , and some spares !


SPRING

a.

Flowering crimson

warming the gum’s drab heart

Spring sets scarlet flame

b.

like exploding flowers

pink and grey hurled to the sky

flocks of galahs rise

c.

colour turned to sounds

ringing out their perfumed joy

flower bells swing high

d.

spangles and sequins

silver night’s moonless sky

fantasy of stars

e.

the spin of love’s coin

catching the sunlight’s copper

makes life worth living

Reviews
HI Brian
Written by jean.day (2257 comments posted) 14th October 2006
This is very beautiful. You have such a range of writing abilities. I'm looking forward to reding your other ones. 
 
Yesterday in your comments following you last chapter in Non Fiction, you menitoned the new species of tree - the Wollemi Pine. That is so interesting to me because my son who lives in Portland Oregon has got the Arburetum there to buy some Wallemi Pines to plant in Portland.
Beautiful and Skillful.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 14th October 2006
Lovely words, Lovely Boy. Lovely words. 
 
 
By way of Jean's observation, growing up on a windswept farm in Galway, you would walk a good five Irish miles if you wanted to see a tree. Mind the landscape was stunning: 'sceimhiuil hEirinn!'. As a boy I fell asleeep every nigh serenaded by the sound of the sea. There isn't a day goes by when a little part of me wanders back to Borishlough. I often live there again in my daydreams. Perhaps that is why I empathise so readily with Dongdingalong. 
 
Slan!
Ooops..
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 14th October 2006
My apologies. That should read 'There isn't a day goes by when a little part of me does not wander back to Borishlough'...

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 14th October 2006
These are exquisite.  
 
I love 'spangles and sequins' for stars, and 'pink and grey hurled to the sky.' In fact, all of the images here are wonderful.  
 
My pleasure in reading your haikus exceeds even the envy they engender in me.

Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 14th October 2006
Haikus are not usually my thing at all bu the images you have created are beautiful. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Thank you all
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 14th October 2006
But don't say I haven't warned you -- Summer and Winter are still to come -- together with some extras ! 
 
Wollemi Gorge is in the news again today , Jean -- a discovery of very early aboriginal art there , up to some drawings recording the arrival of the white settlers. 
 
And Gerard , while in Ireland I made a point of seeing the sun rise over Galway Bay !  
 
I wish I could have spent more time there . 
 
Brian the patterjack
Fabulous!
Written by MarjoryBanks (14 comments posted) 14th October 2006
The equal of your Autumn Haikus, which were exquisite. 
 
Gerard, which "little part" of you returns to wander the lonely County Galway roads? Only the last time I was there, I saw a disembodied nose, happily toddling along towards Borishlough. It was large, red and pitted - was this yours? ;)  
 
Madge
BEAUTIFUL IMAGERY
Written by Josie (2722 comments posted) 14th October 2006
The images which you portray come alive and jump off the sheet. It is a bit like little blobs of paint scattered hither and thither. Quick intricate little pictures coming at you from all angles. Quite unique writing and lovely to read. I like your written image of the flocks of pink galahs rising. Your Australian birds are so lovely (but the British birds beat them for song). I loved the rainbow lorikeets who would come onto people's balconies (and into their homes) and sit on your hand and eat, the crimson rosellas - all of these birds - but you can keep your laughing kukkaburras (especially at 5 am) and screeching cockatoos and noisy miners. Birds should be your next subject (accompanied by sounds). You are very accomplished and able to keep us all entertained on lots of different subjects.
word pictures
Written by sallyj (5 comments posted) 14th October 2006
just as they should be - these are lovely, especially the pinks and greys hurled to the sky. 
sally
Lovely!
Written by LynB (434 comments posted) 14th October 2006
I've never tried writing these before - I find it quite difficult, but these verses are absolute perfection, like so much of your work. Short, but oh so sweet! 
 
I have been reading other pieces by your good self, but this is the first time I have left a review. You are a fantastic writer - and I could learn a lot from you. 
 
I'm sorry if my review isn't quite as eloquent as some, but I'm not very good at them - however, every word is heartfelt! :)
lovely haiku
Written by brolgablue (10 comments posted) 14th October 2006
I love them all Brian but especially the last one.

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