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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Confessions of a site secretary - part 13
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Extended Work
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| Confessions of a site secretary - part 13 | |
| By teddy | ||||||||||||
| 16 October 2006 | ||||||||||||
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Little Vicky comes into the big wild world. I don't have kids myself so I found hard to describe the maternal emotions you must go through when your baby's born. This part needs lots of improvement. Any advice will be more than welcome. Paul stood up and walked towards the door. He felt tired. Once in the kitchen he put the kettle on. So Adi had kept his baby. However, she’d never made any attempts to come and see him again. ‘Why, Adi, why have you been so scared to tell me? You must’ve known that I would’ve never let you down.’ And there was George, coming between them once again. Now thinking back, he remembered that George was the only one out of all his friends that Adi had always felt totally comfortable with. ‘See those two,’ Anne said once, while they were out one evening, pointing at Adi and George, who were deeply engaged in a debate, ‘if you listened to them just for one second you’d get bored to death.’ ‘I mean, why on earth would I want to discuss on a Friday evening Maria Callas’ eating disorder’ she carried on sarcastically ‘or her love affairs with Onassis? These days most people can’t even remember who she was.’ He just laughed. Those times he was happy that the two people he most care about were getting on so well with each other. He felt completely different now. Had George always understood Adi better than he did? A stinging bitter feeling was overpowering him. Jealousy was something he had never known before he met her. On one occasion, he recalled, he organised a night out for his team of architects, just to say thanks for their hard work. To begin with, he took them for dinner to one of his favourite restaurants. Everyone seemed to have a really good time and by ten o’clock, when the dinner was already finished, no one was keen to go home. ‘Ok, what next?’ he generously offered. ‘Let’s go clubbing.’ someone suggested. The ones over thirties felt reluctant to the idea. The younger ones were overjoyed. ‘Adi, what do you think?’ he asked the one who had the power to decide the fate of rest of the evening, ‘Would you like to go?’ ‘Oh, yes please, I haven’t been clubbing in ages.’ she said excited. ‘Night club it is then.’ he smiled at her. Once in there the youngest took to the dance floor immediately. The others crawled to the bar. ‘Can I?’ Adi asked, enviously watching the bouncy people enjoying the rhythm of the music. ‘Of course you can.’ he encouraged her. ‘Go for it.’ ‘Would you like to join me?’ she looked at him as if she was feeling guilty to leave him there. ‘I’m sorry, Adi,’ he smiled ‘this is not really my scene, but I’ll be here if you needed me.’ He kept watching her, she looked so natural, exuberantly happy, enjoying herself. From time to time she waived at him as if she wanted to let him know that she didn’t forget he was there. She had such a young and fit, shapely body, no wonder that she managed to attract all those young men around her. Including Nick, one of his trainees, good looking, very bright guy, who seemed to pay her lots of attention. ‘Oh God, I’m exhausted.’ she said fifteen minutes later when she came back to have a sip of her drink. Then she affectionately put her arms around him and gave him a long warm kiss. ‘Thanks for tonight. I’m having such a great time.’ she whispered in his ear before cheekily sticking her tongue in his mouth again. Then she was off, back to her dance partners. She seemed happy and so was he. ‘Paul.’ he heard his name called few minutes later by a familiar feminine voice. He turned around. It was Nadine, an old friend and former fling. Nadine used to be a high class escort until she got married to an older but wealthy husband. Paul met her years ago when he was only twenty five at a Christmas party. She was extremely good looking. The attraction between them was instantaneous, they had a few months affair and when it was all finished they remained friends. He liked Nadine, she was very open and unaffected and she’d never tried to hide her past. ‘I love my old man.’ she used to say. ’But I’m a young woman with lots of physical needs and if he’s unable to satisfy them then I have to look elsewhere.’ ‘Who is she then?’ she asked that night when she caught him looking at Adi. ‘She’s my girlfriend.’ he said happily smiling.. ‘Oh Paul, don’t tell me you’ve gone all soft these days. This is not like you. On the other hand,’ she said throwing another quick look at Adi ‘I’m not surprised, she’s so young and beautiful.’ He took his eyes from Adi for few minutes buying Nadine a drink and talking to her. When they returned to the spot where Adi was dancing moments before, he realised that she wasn’t there anymore. At first he thought that she might have gone to the bathroom. But when ten minutes passed and she failed to show up he got worried. He started looking for her everywhere. Nick seemed to have disappeared as well. At first he tried to push the nasty thought out of his mind: Adi would never do anything like that to him. But slowly, with all the restrain, the awkward suspicions overwhelmed him. When he found himself in front of George he was already fuming.. ‘George, have you seen Adi?’ he asked his friend. ‘I don’t know where she is, I can’t find her anywhere. And I can’t see Nick around either.’ he exploded. George watched his face concerned. He instantly guessed what was going through his mind. ‘Don’t even go there, Paul.’ he tried to calm him down. ‘I’m sure Nick’s here somewhere. However, last time I saw Adi she didn’t look too happy seeing you chatting to Nadine. Have you tried outside?’ He took George’s advice and went outside looking for her. He found Adi sitting down on a brick wall with her arms wrapped around her knees and her head resting on top of them. ‘Adi, what the hell are you doing here?’ he angrily let the strain come out, raising his voice at her, something he’d never done before. Her big beautiful eyes watched him surprised and nervous by his outburst. ‘I…I just needed a bit of fresh air.’ ‘And why the hell didn’t you tell me? I’ve been worried sick not knowing where you were.’ he said still upset but relieved in the same time. He felt ashamed for doubting her. ‘I’m sorry,’ she apologised embarrassed, ‘you were busy talking to your friends and I didn’t want to disturb.’ He melted down at once. George was right, she saw him talking to Nadine and she didn’t like it. ‘Come here, you silly little girl.’ he helped her stand up and then held her close in his arms, gently kissing her head. ‘I’m never too busy for you, ok? Next time, please do tell me before disappearing like that. I thought you’ve deserted me for good’ he joked trying to ease the atmosphere a bit. And now George, the thought of Adi and him being so close was unbearable. Was he in love with her? He couldn’t even blame him for that because she was so easy to fall for. But how did Adi feel about him? Was it really just friendly affection she felt? They seemed to be so contented with each other. He remembered that months after Adi left, one afternoon, Anne rang him. After she split up with George they kept in touch. They would meet up occasionally for a drink and a chat. Anne was a good friend and that particular day when she asked to see him he couldn’t possibly refuse her. She sounded upset. He went around her flat after work. She was waiting for him with a bottle of wine and a distressed look on her face. ‘What happened, Anne?’ he asked when they were comfortably sitting in her lounge with a glass of wine in their hands. ‘I saw George today.’ was her answer. ‘Oh, did you? Is he alright?’ he tried to be polite. ‘I think so. You know, recently I’ve kept thinking about him and I’ve realised that I made a big mistake when I left him. I still love him, Paul.’ He didn’t know what to say. ‘So last week I rang him up.’ she carried on. ’I wanted to know how he felt, to ask him to give me another chance. I really thought that this time we could make things work between us. I asked him to meet up so we can talk. At first he felt reluctant. I thought it was because he was still hurt and didn’t trust me anymore. Finally he agreed to meet me for lunch today. He was very distant. I told him how I felt and that I wanted us to try again. Until that moment it didn’t cross my mind that he might have found someone else, I mean, I know it’s been awhile since we split up but we were together for so long, I didn’t think he would replace me so quick.’ ‘And has he?’ Paul asked. ‘I don’t know. He wasn’t interested in what I had to say. So I asked him the same question. His answer was evasive. There’s someone else in his life but, according to him, she’s just a close friend, who’s going through a hard time and needs him right now. I could understand that but what has this got to do with us if there’s nothing else going on between them?’ Anne said upset. ‘Did he say who she is?’ Paul asked curious. ‘No. I asked him if I knew her. His answer was positive. But when I asked who she was he told me that it didn’t matter. Now, after we split up, I kept in touch with all of our friends and I can’t really think of anyone who could attract George’s interest in that way. I mean, most of them are alright as far as I know, I can’t see who would need George’s support so desperately.’ Paul recalled himself thinking for a split of a second about Adi. But that would’ve been impossible. Adi and George had never been that close. Why would she need him to comfort her anyway? She was the one who left, without remorse. ‘He’s gone, Paul, forever.’ Anne cried. ‘I could see by the look on his face and the way he talked about her that he’s in love with this woman, whoever she is. He doesn’t want me back.’ Paul sympathised. He took Anne in his arms, stroking her hair tenderly, he felt really sorry for her. He knew how bad rejection could hurt. Anne relaxed under his touch and a minute later her mouth tried to reach his. For a second he felt tempted, she was an attractive woman. But she was also a friend and he could never take advantages of her. ‘Anne, please, this is not a good idea.’ he kept her away. ‘We don’t want to do something we’d regret later.’ She seemed to come to her senses. ‘I’m sorry, Paul.’ ‘That’s ok.’ he smiled supportively. ‘You’re feeling a bit vulnerable now but, trust me, things will be different tomorrow.’ ‘Damn it.’ his fist ached when it hit the marble worktop. ‘She can’t be his, Adi belongs to me.’ he felt anger taking over his brain. He let the kettle boil and returned to the study. He filled his glass with scotch again. He needed to know what happened to her and their baby. I had to put my artistic ambitions on hold once again when little Vicky decided to make her way into the world few weeks earlier than expected. Not long after I moved in with George he asked me to consider giving up work. ‘You’re joking, aren’t you? I can’t afford that.’ I refuted the idea. ‘Of course you can, Adi. I’m here to help.’ he persisted. ‘But, George,’ I told him stupefied, ‘I can’t possibly accept that.‘ The awkward thought that he felt guilty for the baby and I being deprived of Paul’s support started bothering me again. ‘Please, stop feeling responsible for me. You’ve helped too much already.’ ‘Listen to me, Adi, I know what you think but, believe me, you’re far away from the truth. You know very well that my family is limited to my dad and few distant relatives who I probably see once a year. You are to me like the sister I’ve never had. That’s why I want to be able to look after you. That would make me really happy.’ ‘But one day you’re gonna get married and have your own family.’ I tried to change his mind. ‘Why should you waste your money on me?’ ‘Let me worry about that, Adi. You’re nearly seven months pregnant, you need to rest. I can’t stand the thought of you working all these long hours and using the public transport every day. In your condition it’s extremely unsafe.’ Well, Tina kept saying the same thing. However, how could I have relied only on their financial support? Ok, I had some savings myself but I didn’t want to touch them so soon. Both Tina and George were exaggerating anyway, I mean, com’on, I wasn’t the only pregnant commuter in full-time employment. I didn’t give George an answer straight away but he was on my case every single minute so that after few days I had to give up and tell Vic that I needed to take time off work. At first I didn’t know what to do with myself, there’d been a long time since I had so much spare time on my hands. Plus, I was all on my own during the day apart from the times when Ania, the Polish lady that cleans George’s flat, was around. When I tried to give her a hand with her chores she threatened to tell George. ‘I’m sure he didn’t ask you to stay at home to do his housework.’ she said. ‘I’m the one who he pays to do that so, off you go, put your feet up, this what you need.’ Ania’s lovely, she has three kids herself and tried to explain to me all about the joy of motherhood. ‘They could be a real pain and bring you on the brink of exhaustion sometime, but the way you feel when they put their arms around you and tell you ‘’I love you, mummy.’’ can’t be matched by anything else in the whole world, believe me.’ Usually after she’d finish her work we’d sit down for a chat over a cup of coffee. Anyway, after my attempts to occupy some of my free time by helping her failed, I went back to my aquarelles and also redirect some of my energy in making sure that George’s diner was ready by the time he got back from work. ‘You don’t need to do this Adi, we can always go out or order a takeaway.’ he said after the first few meals. ‘Listen, if you don’t like my food just say it, you don’t need to find excuses.’ I teased him. ‘You know I do.’ he disputed finishing off the very last crumb of his dinner plate just to keep me happy. ‘Then keep quiet.’ I ordered him with a firm look. Anyway, a week before Vicky was born George took me to meet his dad and his partner, Claire. ‘We’ve been invited around my dad’s for super tomorrow night.’ he told me the Friday before. ‘Would you like to go?’ Well, I felt quite nervous about it, I always do when I’m about to meet new people, but George seemed so keen to introduce me to his family that I couldn’t refuse. ‘You’ll like my dad, Adi.’ George reassured me on the way there, ‘you’ll see.’ ‘I’m sure I will but would he like me?’ I thought concerned. I mean, not only that I was living with his son but he was also financially providing for me and my unborn baby and I wasn’t even his girlfriend. There was no need to worry though. ‘Oh Adi, I’m so very pleased to meet you at last.’ Karl threw a big jovial smile at me when he helped me get out of George’s car. ‘I’ve heard so many things about you.’ ‘All good ones I hope.’ I couldn’t help myself returning the smile in an instant. He was, indeed, charming. Claire was very pleasant too. ‘Come on, Adi, sit down here.’ she showed me a big armchair by the living room’s window padded with cushions. ‘If you need an extra one please say.’ she helped me feel comfortable. Now I knew that George’s dad was running his own wine selling business but I’d never thought he was that well off, George had never said. He and Claire live in a big beautiful country house with a huge garden at the back in an idyllic village in Sussex. ‘You must have lots of money to be able to afford that. ‘ I thought. I was amazed, these people seemed to live such a high standard, complicated life given by wealth but they were so simple, down to earth human beings by nature. ‘Adi, George told me that you’re an artist.’ Claire seemed interested in my creative skills when we were, around the dinner table, enjoying the pudding. ‘Well, yes, I studied arts, painting and sculpture more precise.’ ‘Claire is the vice-chairman of the Mishkov foundation, Adi.’ a crafty George remembered to mention. That was a well known charitable trust founded years ago by a wealthy Russian art lover to promote and support the work of young artists. Somehow I had this weird feeling that all this had been pre-arranged. I looked at George, he innocently smiled at me. What was he playing at? ‘I’d like to have a look at your work, Adi. We’re always looking for new talented people.’ I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t want to abuse my friendship with George to get my painting work acknowledged. ‘Adi, Claire wouldn’t use her position within the trust to favour you.’ George said as if he knew what was troubling me. ‘George’s right, Adi. I wouldn’t be able to do that even if I wanted to. The foundation’s open to everyone, this is its main purpose, to discover and aid gifted artists. You deserve a chance just like everyone else does.’ Just before we left that evening we arranged to get together again, very soon, this time around George’s flat so Claire can evaluate my paintings. On the way back home, in the car, I didn’t dare saying much. I was really grateful to George for being so considerate. ‘I’d never be able to pay him back for everything he’s done for me.’ I thought. However, on the Thursday night before the weekend when Karl and Claire were supposed to return the visit, at twelve o’clock midnight I was restlessly lying in bed with my eyes and brain wide awake still. ‘Com’on, little baby, go to sleep, will you? Give your mummy a break, please.’ I was begging stroking my tummy with large gentle moves, pointlessly though ‘cos the little one wasn’t showing the smallest intention to do so. About fifteen minutes later I found the pain unbearable so I had to get up and knock in George’s bedroom door. ‘Come in, Adi.’ a sleepy voice asked from inside. ‘What’s the matter?’ ‘I…I’m in pain.’ I nearly cried when I sat down next to him on the bed. A second later I got up again and started moving around the room. At that point I felt my pyjamas getting wet. George was already up. ‘I’ll take you to the hospital.’ he said really concerned. About eight o’clock the next morning little Vicky was born. When I first held her in my arms all the love and care I felt for her until then doubled instantly. And that moment, exhaustedly lying in the hospital bed, I couldn’t stop myself thinking how it would’ve been if Paul was there: would he have loved her just as much as I did? He must’ve done because she was such a beautiful baby. ‘She’s gorgeous.’ a not so tough anymore Tina was watching with wet eyes the little thing curled in her arms. George was also amazed: ‘Look, she’s smiling at you.’ ‘George, that’s a grimace, not a smile.’ Tina laughed at him. The look on Craig’s face was telling me that we might be looking at getting another baby in the family quite soon. The day Vicky and I were discharged from the hospital George’s flat got overwhelmed with flowers and balloons. ‘I’m sorry, I might have gone a bit over the top,’ he apologised when he saw the amused reaction on my face, ‘but I got really excited at the thought of my girls coming home.’ Paul felt his hands gripping the book: he had a daughter! The emotion he felt was something beyond human control, something he had never experienced before. ‘Why did you take away from me the moment she was born, Adi? I would’ve so much wanted to be there, to be the first to hold you both in my arms.’
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