This may be complete tripe as poetry. Just thought I'd add my opinion to others that have gone before. If the writing is awful, don't hold back.
Am I naught but skin and bone and tissue?
Is it true that all I am is impulse?
Is my reaction to my sons' births false?
Is my DNA at the heart of me?
Are my choices simply those of science?
The sun rises over distant hills
And I feel at one with the earth.
That peace,
A programmed response?
I watch my children play and grow
And thank whatever passes for god
For the chance to share their lives.
That joy,
An electrical charge?
I see tragedy and horror
And it causes me pain.
Those tears,
A chemical reaction?
Can all that is me be represented
By some lengthy, complex formula?
It might.
But I’m naught without
The giving and receiving of love.
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Whatver
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
However,"Nothing is, without thinking making it so"
(If pressed I think that was a philosopy of Rene Descartes.)
So only you can decide.
However on this one I'm with you,
Brian
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I have to confess...
Written by Clifftown (619 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
...that I'm a bit scared of poetry, mainly because I don't understand it! Therefore a review from me is probably next to useless. I like this poem though, it describes something "deep" in a lovely, simple way (I hope that doesn't sound patronising!) - and I especially like the last two lines, they capture the sentiment of the poem perfectly.
Great stuff.
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A breath of fresh air....
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
You are correct, Phil. This is not going to be featured in the Oxford Book of English Verse. But I enjoyed it for its honesty, indeed candour, as much as for anything else. I do like the way you are prepared to ask questions rather than deliver the tablets of certainty down from the mountain. To paraphrase Cromwell : ' There is nothing worse than a sermon from the parson who has just swallowed his bible '.
I find it a personal statement as much as a poem and no less attractive for that, mercifully free of pretension and unsentimental in its tenor .
Well done.Though at risk of sounding flippant, I still think your 'School Poems' are your best efforts so far. Great fun!
Slan! |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
I was getting together my thoughts on your poem, forming sentences in my mind, and as I scrolled down through the comments, found that Gerard above had already gone and beaten me to it.
He has said just what I intended to say, that what is lovely about this is your honest question: 'Can all that is me be represented / by some complex, lengthy formula?' I find this a far more effective statement than the heavy-handed reminders that THERE IS A GOD.
I also like the lines: 'I see tragedy and horror / And it causes me pain / Those tears -- / A chemical reaction?' The fact that we humans are capable of sympathy, genuine pity, compassion, and tenderness always makes me hopeful that we are more than an accident or a botched celestial experiment. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3133 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
Well. well, a poem that asks us to think instead of telling us what we should think, that's a first!
OK it doesn't say anything new but what is does say is is worth a thought. You stuck your head over the parapet and posed a few questions, it might not be poetry but that's no bad thing IMHO
cheers
BBS |
Nice piece Phil....
Written by JourneyAtNight (301 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
I know exactly where you're coming from. I study physiology as part of my course and I sit horrified, shattered even, in some of these lectures as they stand and tell us that love comes about due to a certain part of our brain responding to yadda yadda yadda....but I believe that all this is driven by a force that comes from the heart and soul. The science part is just to support the universe if you like!
As for the actual poetry, I'm no expert, but I found this to be a good, effective read. I liked the overall structure -echoing the above, the use of questioning leaves a space for thought and reflection, rather than enforcing opinions on us, yet it still underlines the depth of your thoughts and emotions.
Take Care.
Esra |
Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
Thanks for all the comments. Glad it was taken in the spirit it was offered.
BBS, what does IMHO mean?
All the best everyone,
Phil. |
Very honest..
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 16th October 2006 |
And nicely phrased too. Although it sounds almost a creationist, watchmaker argument - you know, it can't just be science, there must be a bigger purpose and a hand at the tiller etc...
We are all naught without love. Its the meaning of life for me. Thanks for the thought, I will take it to bed with me tonight and it will keep me warm whilst the chemical formulas do their stuff.
Cheers
Oli |
Hi Phil
Written by jean.day (2190 comments posted) 18th October 2006 |
I enjoyed reading your poem very much, and as everyone above has expressed, it very clearly states how you think and hope that there is more to life than DNA.
I enjoyed the way you put it - expressing an emotion and then saying what science might have made of it.
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Now this is my kind of poetry ...
Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 23rd October 2006 |
... not that any other kind is worse but it can get a bit obscure. Yours however seldom fails to do anything other than leave a smile, and that can never be a bad thing. I dont have a clue about how poetry should go either so cant critique other than what you muse about, which is a topic very close to my heart, so to speak.
As humans we are chemical beings, as individuals of mind we are whatever we choose to be.
Loved your other poems as well, Bolton, Civilisation especially. |
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