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Poetry
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Ode to the Rider
By deprecor
24 May 2005

I wrote this to a teacher whose nickname is Jinete (Rider of Horses)


Thoughts were playin' poker
In Seville.
Betting their rank
Tranquilly

 

And then came the rider
Vile
As his mind sank
Commiseratingly

 

My ether grew deep:

- ¡Cabalga al infinito Aqueronte! -

Ride my brother to life

To Glory,

To Pride.

 

Nunca te detengas, Jinete

Reviews
Lost in translation
Written by Nearlypastit (50 comments posted) 26th May 2005
I think I got what you wanted to do with this but the Spannish approach didn't quite hit the button. 
 
In adjusting something for an essentially English speaking/and therefore reading audience, start with just a piece of written narrative. no rhymes, no couplets etc. 
 
A straight story. 
 
then look at the way in which Spannish and English compliment each other and where they differ totally.  
 
Also, check your audience, the classical romantic approach rarely works on the British unless you employ all kids of cultural bridges (or are talking directly to Brits who love everything about Spain of course). 
 
Examples would be perhaps, children (pretty universal) 
or getting old. 
 
I'm a little out of my depth here but you went to a lot of trouble to write this and post it. It seemed a pity no one else felt brave enough to give you a crit. 
 
Lets have another one!
:)
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 22nd April 2006
I love the spanish in this. I have a thing about languages, and i find spanish one of the most expressive, especially to read.  
 
This poem sounds like a thanks, or a tribute. I'm not sure about 'comiseratingly' - up to that point the words seem slow, short and deliberate, and quite coloquial (sp?), so something that long sticks out a little. 'tranquilly' isn't so bad, but the same applies, perhaps cut the suffixes and just use tranquil? 
 
merely brainwaves here, i really like your stuff so far 
 
x clo x

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