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Wacky Jill-Sinking Feeling
By BrianRobertNeal
19 October 2006
I can't get this bit right. But I thought if I didn't post it, this would end up like one of two of mine, put to one side and forgotten.

For new readers, Rob and WJ are Insurance Liability Surveyors. They are about to go onto an unmanned gravel pit.

Whilst trying to pull his wellies over her shoes WJ (Jackie) had fallen on top of Rob. Shed'd then got up leaving him on the ground.

Wackie Jill-Sinking Feeling

Jackie looked down at Rob who was spread-eagled inelegantly on the ground. His Hard Hat had fallen off and had rolled towards the gate. He was winded but fortunately he was also convulsed with laughter.

Jackie made herself “small”, put on a sad little face and snivelled, “I’m sorry Ollie.” She leant forward and offered her two hands which Rob grabbed and then used to pull himself up. He did a fine Oliver Hardy impression, dusting down his coat and trousers, then asked, “If you would be so kind Stanley, perhaps you could give me my Hard Hat?”

Jackie picked the Hat up but ensured that she faced Rob throughout. However she pretended to spit on it, polished it up, finally handing it to Rob. After studiously replacing the hat Rob announced, “That’s another fine mess you got me in Stanley.

He picked up the dropped key-ring which was about a foot in diameter and on which was over thirty keys. He became engrossed in trying to find the Key that would open the gate’s padlock. A visual examination failed to show any that might fit a padlock. He had this strange feeling that he was being watched by somebody stood on the Pit side of the gate. He looked up, to see a familiar face. It asked him, “What yer doing Ollie?”

"Jackie how did you get in?" asked a surprised Robert. She motioned to part of the fence that had been broken down. Using a nearby tree as a handhold one could scramble up a pile of rubble and then step over the fence onto a similar pile of rocks. Rob clambered up and over. But he couldn’t believe the distance he now had to jump down. Then he noticed that Jackie was on her knees. This had made the drop appear to be far bigger than it actually was. She got up saying “It’s a good trick eh?” He jumped the four foot that it had “shrunk down to.” 

“Right Jackie we’ll follow this path, it’s going upwards, is wide enough to take excavating machines and is flanked by mounds of materials. So that’s where the plant will be.”

The path curved steeply upwards to their left where it reached a plateau that was framed by the tops of the various mounds. At the centre of the Plateau was a piece of plant that comprised a range of upward sloping conveyors, a strange large horizontal cylindrical drum and mass of related ladders and walkways.

“That Rob is a Separator.” Jackie went on to explain how it worked, and that it was properly safeguarded. To do this she raced up vertical ladders, shot along walkways, took photographs. Rob had followed her. When she finished and they were both back at ground level; she asked, “Well what have I missed.”

“Jackie, you astonished me, you’ve missed nothing and you’ve noticed two things that I missed, I’m really impressed.”

This was the first time in Jackie’s career that a man and one that was Senior to her, had not felt the need to put her in her place. She felt exhilarated and ran up one of the mounds to its top. She asked “Where are we going next”.

Rob replied, “We’re going back the way we came and then, across over there.”

“No let’s go down the mound, come on Softy” She ran down the mound. Rob ran up the mound and then against his better judgement went down after her. She jumped the last three feet and then as she landed her feet broke through a thin crust of dried spoil and she started to sink.

Rob slithered down the mound to the bottom. He shouted “Throw yourself back”, as she did so, he grabbed her under her arms and held her tightly. He slowly wriggled back up the mound. “Jackie, pull your legs out of those bloody wellies.” After what seemed an eternity, she freed herself and Rob pulled her onto the safety of the mound.

Jackie looked bewildered, “What happened”

“You jumped into the settling pit, beneath a shallow crust there is a material very like quicksand, if I’d not got to you as soon as I did, you would have drowned. As it is you’ve lost me wellies. Now, stand up, hold on to me and we’ll walk carefully round the bottom of the mounds. When they got to open ground Rob shouted “Let go” He tested the ground and it was firm.

It suddenly struck home how close to death she had been, and she just shook and started sobbing. Rob held her very tight and kissed away the tears. “Come on, it’s all over, you’re safe.”

When she’d fully calmed down and they were stood on firm ground he explained, “When I got to the top of the mound, I saw the washer plant. I suddenly realised that you were about to jump into the settling Pit. The top six inches would be solid but the material beneath it would be waterlogged.

Now fully calmed, Jackie asked, “What does the washer plant wash?”

“It washes the soil off the sorted gravels and rocks, the wash water is pumped here, the solids settle out and the clear water pumped off the top and recycled. This Settling Pit hasn’t been used for years, it’s a death trap. Now Jackie what’s missing?”

“Rob, I don’t know, I give up, what is missing?”

“Have you seen a Gravel Pit?”

“Yes, it’s filled with water and covered in Anglers, and it’s just through there.” She pointed over Rob’s shoulder. Where the gravel pit had once been was a large lake. It was divided off from the rest of the site by a fine mesh wire fence.

Rob exclaimed, “No bloody wonder the old sod didn’t want us to get in.  There must be over sixty fishermen around that lake. Still, if we’re not told, he’s not Insured.”

They walked along the fence between lake and the gravel yard and then found the hole where the local children got into the lake area. They crawled through and then walked past the astonished anglers who could not work out where the two of them had come from.

Jackie and Rob stood out in their hard hats and bright yellow safety Jackets. There was a path that led to a large car park, at the entrance to which was a hut, inside which was the old woman. Rob gave her back the keys and he and Jackie walked out through into the old Woman’s farm yard and then back across to his car.

Neither was too sure who had made the first move, but they were soon in a passionate embrace. They broke apart, both were a little shocked. Rob remarked, “With bright yellow coats and hard hats on; from a distance; we must have looked like a pair of randy parrots.”

They got out of their safety gear, back into the car and Rob suggested that “We’ll pick up your car and then drive across to our afternoon appointment. It’s Twelve and our next appointment is no more than half an hour away.

They drove away in silence, both regretted what they had done but also both regretted that they had not gone further.

“Jackie there’s one thing puzzling me how did you know so much about the separator plant”

“Oh Rob, you sent me your report on one of his other Gravel Pits, which I read through”

“So why didn’t you know about the Settling Pits”

“I didn’t read all the way through I got bored ”

“Almost bored to death,”

She gave a little shiver and put her hand on his leg.
 

To be continued.

Reviews
hi BRN
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 19th October 2006
I liked this. It seems like a piece that is evolving a lot as you write it. Interesting stuff 
 
Elli

Written by Phil (6388 comments posted) 19th October 2006
As Elli, it does seem to be evolving as you write. Enjoyed this episode as a story in itself. I don't know how long you intend this to be as a whole, but a small crit would be if it is of great length, perhaps the characters could be developed a little more. Medium length, fine as it is. 
 
Keep it coming. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Hi EP
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 19th October 2006
Thanks, glad you liked it. I was close to dropping the piece. Thus "Futures and the 2 "SDs" 
 
)nce again thanks for your time and comments. 
 
Brian
Hi Phil
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 19th October 2006
You've done it again, I was was replying to EP. 
 
"Enjoyed this episode as a story in itself", 
 
I'm viewing this as a collection of standalone "cameos"  
 
One of the weaknesses of the novel is that you know far more about the characters than you would do if you were one of their associates but not a bosom buddy. And certainly much more than if you were just an interested bystander. 
 
I'm trying to avoid this but I'm certainly not intending to write a novella. 
 
Thanks for your time and attention, 
 
Brian
curious
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3136 comments posted) 19th October 2006
A well paced chapter,kept me reading to the end. The trick you seem to have developed here is to have a fast paced plot with lots of action but the relationship is slow and hesitant which really hooks the reader. Their relationship is actually developing through the plot rather than stopping the action for the character growth which a lot of novels fall prey to. You seem to be managing both at the same time,a neat trick. 
Curious to see how you'll end it 
cheers 
BBS
Hi BubBleS
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 19th October 2006
I am experimenting with this piece, trying to keep a fast pace but at the same time to show you lots about the characters. 
 
Thanks for your comments, I was worried about this piece and very close to not posting it. So it was good to get Eli, Phil and you positively commenting, 
 
Brian.
Just try
Written by Fledermaus (3159 comments posted) 20th October 2006
Don't worry about pieces that don't go exactly as you want it. Aren't those exactly the kind of things you should post so you can get people's advice? 
 
Not that I have too much advice on this one. It seems allright to me. 
Wacky Jill's story is developing. Her behaviour was a bit of a surprise realy, but I supose that is intentional: This teenage like attitude to things, cclimbing, running, taunting and so on :-)
Hi Batty
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 20th October 2006
"This teenage like attitude to things", her closest friend and advocate is her daughter and so the daughter has an old head on young shoulders and vice versa. 
 
I've a feeling that in any case WJ is a tomboysish Peta Pan. 
 
Glad you liked it and thanks once again for your time and comments, 
 
Brian

Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 20th October 2006
It's all been said i think, the story is evolving and tottering along nicely. I think Jill's/Jackie's character is great. A very enjoyable read so far :)
Hi Gill
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 20th October 2006
The last of the famous five are now in. 
 
" I think Jill's/Jackie's character is great." I'm delighted you like her. 
 
Once again thank you for your time and comments. 
 
Brian
A newbies view
Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 20th October 2006
Coming late to this, I've only read the preceding part. 
 
Some parts of this seemed sudden and rushed to me, but maybe that's because I haven't got to know the characters. For instance:- 
 
'It suddenly struck home how close to death she had been, and she just shook and started sobbing. Rob held her very tight and kissed away the tears. “Come on, it’s all over, you’re safe.”  
 
When she’d fully calmed down ...' 
 
This seems to be a very quick description of something that at face value seems a traumatic event. Nothing was said of the feelings either had of the incident. Did, for instance, the near death experience influence their later snog? "Rob looked at her and realised how close he had been to losing her, and how much she now meant to her. He drew her in..." sort of thing. 
 
The start was good at this sort of thing. Rather than just 'they clambered over the fence' we had a little vignette of their relationship, that they were comfortable enough together to joke, even though there Rob was her senior colleague. They made each other laugh, detail that made drew me in. 
 
I also liked the 'bored to death' line too. Clever. 
 
Hope that this was the sort of thing you were after.
Hi Snoddie
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 20th October 2006
Bottle Blonde Surfer got it right 
 
" Their relationship is actually developing through the plot rather than stopping the action for the character growth" 
 
Thanks for your time and comments. 
 
"Some parts of this seemed sudden and rushed to me," You're right, I normally write short sharp simple perhaps superficial pieces such as "Hello I'm Sam" or the Mates for life stories. So this is a new venture for me trying to build up characters usinga string of standalone short stories. 
 
Regarding their relationship, Rob sets the scene in the first part where he sends her a card. 
 
Funnily enough I'd gone on to E-Mail to hit a link to GW when I found I'd got a review. There are five webbers who have read this through from the beginning. So I'd got their comments I was gonna post the next bit. 
 
I would suggest that you look at the work of 
 
BottleBlondeSurfer 
ElliPinnock 
Gill 21 
Fledermaus 
Phil 
 
Because they like me are looking for advice and encouragement and in turn will read your work and make comment. 
 
Once again thanks for your time and comments, 
 
Brian 
fair enough
Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 21st October 2006
I thought I was missing something jumping in half way through
I'm superstitious
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 21st October 2006
So 13 was unlucky, however I'd hoped that each piece could stand-alone although it would lack an element, 
 
Brian

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