We received a questionaire this week from the fire service.  It appears that they want to know what my opinion of them is.  I need to rank their level of service (regardless of whether I have had any contact with them in the last year).  It goes on like this for 5 pages.

I have checked both my house and my family.  As far as I can see, nothing is burnt to a crisp.  Does this mean that the fire service is incredibly effective, or that they are not needed at all?

Should I share with them my views of calendars showing near naked firemen?

Dare I tell them what I think of their sirens?  When I was a child engines had manly bells, then fire engines descended to the level of the playground (nur-nah-nur-nah nur-nah-nurnur-nah).  Now they are merely camp (WoooooOOOOOOooooh, look at the pattern on those curtains.  It's a blessing the house is gutted, I mean, patterns and stripes?).

And does my opinion really mean anything?  Surely their job is not to be popular, their job is to prevent fires, rescue cats and annoy builders?

What next?  Will the Jehovah Witnesses poll me on their message, and what they can change to make it more agreeable?  Will taxi drivers ask what minorities I would prefer them to slag off?

It is my God-given right as an Englishman to be pissed-off at almost every sector of the Great British population, otherwise who would I be able to moan about.

Come on, firefighters of this great nation.  We don't want you to be warm and cuddly (though here The Missus and I disagree).  We don't care if you park your engine dangerously across major road junctions.  Do your job, and let us moan about it in peace.