The last of the seasons , to be read if possible as in the form described previously for the Spring , Summer and Autumn verses.
I may yet put up a melange of spares to get the monkey of this addictive form off my back for good and all .
Winter
a.
Silent under snow,
gripped in winter’s iron hand
still , white , the earth waits.
b.
Caressing the earth
The rain with blind girls’ fingers
gentles winter’s pain.
c.
One bell tolls, mourns, grieves,
falls on the heart like a mall,
drives it deep in earth.
d.
My hands burn with cold
as I stand reaching upwards
to touch the moon’s face
e.
Sand in an hourglass
is telling me in whispers
love softly sighs away
|
Written by Phil (6645 comments posted) 21st October 2006 |
Beautiful again, especially the second.
All the best,
Phil. |
Winter Haikus
Written by Josie (2732 comments posted) 21st October 2006 |
| Brian, you have a rare gift of being able to put images into words. To me, you have encompassed all that is good in haikus, and I love your winter images and the personification in this poem. I just noticed that, for winter, you have only mentioned the colour "white" - and I must say that on winter days I often feel I'm looking out at a black and white photograph. Well done. You put over "sadness" in this poem with your words of "sound": the "toll" of the mourning bell; whispers and sighs - and the feeling of winter's iron grip. All too true. Lucky you to be coming up to summer! |
Haikus are like salted peanuts
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 21st October 2006 |
-- once you start it is difficult to stop !
All that are left now are rejects from the pattern I set for Love , The Magician
I shall be economical and post them sometime soon
Thank you both , Josie and Phil . |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3298 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
I've loved all the seasons but I think these are my favourites I must be a winter person. I confess I didn't know what a Haiku was, it is a clever little and succinct poetic device and yours are wonderful
cheers
BBS
P.S I owe you a PM. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
At first my favorite of these was b), but now it is a). I like the image of earth 'gripped in winter's iron hand.'
But now I have read it again and I am back to liking b) just a little bit more . . .
And the phrase 'love softly sighs away' is wonderful to say. |
Elegaic...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
I can only endorse what others have said Brian. If, as you tell us poetry is compressed communication, then this passes the test on both counts. Plus beautiful in its gentle, elagaic and seductive imagery.
Really wonderful. My compliments to you.
Slan! |
Great High Coos!
Written by Talisker (1321 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
Perhaps the best yet, but thats a hard call, as they've all been special.
I think I go with the concensus that (b) is nicest. But I cant think of them in isolation really - they are part of a whole (no?).
Lovely, PJ, were are blessed!
Oli  |
Oh dear
Written by patterjack (1159 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
Now I have a dilemma-- the sparesthe spares !!
Obviously I have rejected them from the overall pattern -- so do I post them now separately ? or in possible groupings of say 3 ?
This will need thinking about.
I'm not being coy -- I am just so flattered with the above reviews that I'd hate to have such kindnesses recoil in future with a surfeit !
patterjack |
Eh!?
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 22nd October 2006 |
Jeeze, Brian. I haven't a clue what you are on about!!? And I have a Ph.D. You Australians!! You are all of you far too intellectual and over educated for your own good!!
Slan!
|
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 23rd October 2006 |
Hi Brian. You welcomed me to this site and were the first to give me a review and much needed advice, and because of that, (and the fact you are so accomplised) i try to keep up with reading your work. I am only sorry i do not comment more, i just feel there's nothing useful i can say, so leave i it to the others!
However i just caught up with this and adored it so much i felt it only fair to leave a review.
'Seductive' is the right word. I was completely taken in by the picture you painted. It was just so delicately beautiful, and eloquently succinct. Every word and comma was placed and used with precision. I shall read it over and over again i am sure.
The opening was great and I'm with BBS, my favourite 'Haikus' too (whatever that means. See why i don't comment? I've no idea what i'm talking about half the time!) |
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