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Poetry


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Use - revisited

By francoise

22 October 2006

I know I should'nt post more than a couple on the same day, but I thought I'd put Phil's advice into practice. I've seperated it into verses, but not sure if that works.

Useful people like to do nothing

Whilst the useless have nothing to do.

Useless people want useful sayings

To lighten up a dull coloured view.

Useless people like to be witty,

Sensible folk just throw words around.

The useful don’t care about small talk,

They will try not to mind how you sound.

Useless adults say to useful kids,

“Go and do something useful instead”

Not knowing that such glowing comments,

Sends their little kicking souls to bed.

So there are useless things in this world,

Which neither you nor I can address.

But should you start to feel a bit dazed,

I will add useful smiles to your mess.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 22nd October 2006

I think it's better Fran. I still think the first verse stands out as the best part of this.

All the best,

Phil.

Much better.
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 22nd October 2006

A useful piece of poetry!

Oli :grin

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 22nd October 2006

Yep....an improvement definitely.

I liked this. Interesting ideas!

Take care

E x

Thanks guys
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 22nd October 2006

I felt it was alot better too. In the last hour or so I thought about changing a few lines.
Second verse line 3/4: The useful don't care about small talk/the useful won't mind how you sound. (wanted the rhythm of repetition here)
Third verse line 1/2: Useless adults say to themselves/ Go and do something useful instead. (because Im beginning to think the subject of parenting didnt quite fit with everything else!)
(and in line 4 I can't decide between 'sends, or 'pushes')

and I thought about changing the final line to- 'I will brush useful smiles to your stress' (because I felt 'add' and 'mess' were too vague)

hmm I think Im getting quite used to this self-critiquing!

thanks alot

Francoise

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