READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 1987 guests online and 7 members online
Poetry
M I N D
By Witzl
23 October 2006

M I N D

 

Day’s over now and duty’s done

You’ve done your bit –

it’s time to wind right down

Just close off, blink out, snuff that tiny flame

and let me dive off into sweet oblivion.

 

But you and I are joined for now

and you won’t turn me loose.

You race

And pull me pell-mell here and there,

though I

would rather sink

into that depthless void

of mindless rest

so maddeningly not to be

with these dark shows that you parade

in endless streams before my eyes

closed tight, but locking you right in.

 

What can I do to make you

let me go

so I can sink or swim

into that velvet night

and just for once forget this mess,

this world that’s mine, for better or for worse?

 

(Just once to think that peace and goodwill too

might come to all.)

Reviews

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 23rd October 2006
I know exactly where you're coming from, sometimes our thoughts just refuse to leave us be! 
 
I really liked this. Its very descriptive of the frustration felt when trying to ignore what goes on in our heads. 
I love : 
 
" with these dark shows that you parade 
 
in endless streams before my eyes 
 
closed tight, but locking you right in." 
 
I also like how you're directly adressing your mind. 
 
A potent piece, nice work. 
 
Take Care. 
 
E x 
 

Written by Phil (6632 comments posted) 23rd October 2006
Flowed well. Took a couple of readings to fathom, but that reflects my denseness, not your writing. 
 
Perhaps too personal to comment further. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Very good!
Written by Talisker (1320 comments posted) 23rd October 2006
But I misread it first time I think. I thought it was your partner forcing you to get up to naughties, when you were too tired. Pulling you, "pell-mell" - jings! Sounds too energetic! 
 
See how we interpret things from a personal perspective? :grin  
 
Anyway it was a very fine piece of work! 
 
Oli.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 23rd October 2006
I chose 'pell-mell' because it sounded rushed and confused -- and disorganized. Just like my mind, really. Plus, I just like 'pell-mell.'  
 
As for getting up to naughties -- well, I guarantee you that thought never crossed my M I N D. Too busy chewing over middle-aged angst and trying not to think about North Korea joining the Nuclear Club...  
 
Thank you all for your kind comments. It is nice to get home after a long day and find something waiting for me besides dirty laundry.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item