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Poetry
Bi-bye
By alandavidpritchard
24 October 2006
The alternative title for this is: USED


Slip inside the caverns of my privacy

and pretend you are discovering the unknown.

Pretend, even, that I welcome the intrusion,

while you squirt your triumph

ike a predator, staking his claim.

And once you have explored,

and made your mark

- savage tears in tenderness -

you can make a satisfied retreat

to the cushions of feminine comfort

and hope she does not smell

the shit on your conscience.

Reviews
My compliments...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 24th October 2006
Very thoughtully crafted, Alan. I can forsee all the criticisms of it. As I am sure can you. But somehow it got through to me. 
 
Thanks for a valuable few moments.. 
 
Slan!

Written by Phil (6435 comments posted) 24th October 2006
I liked it too. I'll leave criticising for others on this one. 
 
Phil.

Written by alandavidpritchard (57 comments posted) 24th October 2006
:grin  
thanks 
 

x

Written by shadowplay (41 comments posted) 24th October 2006
I don't like either of your suggested titles. It almost works without one, but not quite. 
 
I do like the poem, however, because it is funny as well as being bitter. I appreciate your dark humour. You seem to write rather candidly about homosexuality, making no excuses, and as a gay man myself I find that encouraging. Compared to other poems I have read of yours on a similar subject it has lost its reticence. There is a rawness I hadn't detected before. 
 
The blending of humour and seriousness frees your work from the politicisation of homosexuality and its assimilation into mainstream culture. It's intelligent, but with a sexual edge. There's nothing I'd change. The swearing on the last line jarred with me a little on first and second reading, but more and more I understand it. 
 
A compelling piece of work. No, wait- scrub that. Absolutely fantastic.
Yuck! Does this go on???
Written by Talisker (1309 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I lead a sheltered existence right enough! 
 
Its beautifully written, but I find the subject matter so repugnant - reluctant sex, betrayal, perversion, moral decrepitude.  
 
You won't find me toeing the current PC line. 
 
Shit wrapped in tinsel is still shit in my book. 
 
Oli
Oh and....
Written by Talisker (1309 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I don't wish to be rude, but "the caverns of your privacy" is probably a good place to stick this. 
 
Oli.

Written by JourneyAtNight (307 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Ouch Oli! 
 
I like your style of writing Alan, you have a frankness that is always very effective and hits the reader between the eyes, whether they like what they read or not. 
 
I wont go off on a rant, but all in all, an interesting read. 
 
Take care 
 
E
Dear God!
Written by LynB (433 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I've just read this, and I'm afraid I'm with Oli on this one! It put me off my chocolate cake! 
 
At the risk of being called homophobic, I must say that I also find the subject matter in rather dubious taste, and it made me feel rather uneasy. 
 
Sorry, but it didn't float my boat. I prefer poetry with real feelings and real meaning behind it, about nature and its beauty, not stuff like this! 
 
I'm also in agreement with Oli about where to file it.....

Written by kitten_princess (31 comments posted) 25th October 2006
The first time I read this, I didn't like it. 
 
The second time, then the third, and fourth, I grew to appreciate this work. 
 
It's not about the beauty of nature, that's obvious. I felt it was like the opposite of a love poem, in some ways. It struck a chord with me. I liked the way it was openly sexual, graphic even. I think that it's good to see a piece that challenges people, brings a bit of controversy, makes people think. 
 
Like shadowplay, not sure about either suggestion for the title. 
 
I think I'll have to read some more of your stuff! :) 
 
Kitten xx

Written by alandavidpritchard (57 comments posted) 25th October 2006
i am just stunned that people have taken time and effort to respond to this work..simply because it is a piece I wrote long ago and thought little of...(despite taking a while to compose) AND i am truly grateful for all the responses this poem has generated...i have no problem if the words touch a raw nerve or make people feel uncomfortable...i have a friend who is being used by someone unsure about their sexuality, and when i read the poem to him, he responded with "that's exactly what it feels like" - which was good to hear because the poem is not nor ever has been autobiographically inspired...the opening line occured to me while stuffing a chicken! lol 
thanks again for the responses

Written by alandavidpritchard (57 comments posted) 25th October 2006
oh and oli..if shit wrapped in tinsel is still shit in your book....change the book 
x
Not a crit .
Written by patterjack (1095 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I got interrupted before I sent !
Written by patterjack (1095 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Again , this is not a review . I was merely going to remark that I am now , after the last comment with its explanation of its inspiration , irresistibly reminded of Portnoy's liver dinner , and Isherwood's Greek cook and the chicken . 
 
patterjack 
 
 
 
Very drole ADP!
Written by Talisker (1309 comments posted) 26th October 2006
I somewhat regret the bluntness of my first review, not much though.  
 
I think you got the jist i.e. that the subject matter does "matter" to me - regardless of the attractiveness of the words themselves. 
 
PJ, I presume these references refer to the contamination of food in some sexual way. I presume these masterpieces are not to be found in the highstreet bookstore? 
 
Oli.

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