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Poetry
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For the Birds
By patterjack
25 October 2006
Thinking of birds , I returned to Chaucer and The Parliament of Fowles with its wonderful opening line :

The lyf so short , the craft so long to lerne

And so began a doodle , which by sheer accident , turned into a very rough sonnet -- with a volta that came out of the blue .

Mind the slippery elisions !


I find most birds I've met are pleasant creatures :
Their flocking together being one of the features
that , in colourful flight and with melodious sounds
brings a joy to my heart that seems to know no bounds.

Just watching the ungainly galah and clown cockatoo
brought nurture to my soul as they chattered and flew --
(But of course I admit that certainly I would rather
not think of whatever happens when vultures gather !)

But alas there's indeed one bird that makes me sigh
with its monotone , wailing , truly idiot cry
that despoils an otherwise sparkling bright lagoon
like the sorrowful saddening wail of the lonely loon
aggressively trying , in sound , to assert its rule --
but , loon- like , sounding only like a fool.

Reviews

Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Mind the elisions indeed! It took me a few reads to get my mouth around this one. Not much point commenting on the form as it is, as you say, a rough sonnet. I did enjoy the volta, a nice turn of thought but still strongly linked to the rest. I liked the penultimate lines: 
 
'that despoils an otherwise sparkling bright lagoon  
like the sorrowful saddening wail of the lonely loon' 
 
There's some nice alliteration in there. 
 
Enjoyed this 
 
Elli

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I always feel more at home with poems that rhyme and scan and will happily brave the odd elision so I really enjoyed this and I think the birds provide a little moral lesson for us all don't they, Brian?

Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Elli -- I have the advantage of a little Shakespearean acting behind me -- and Old Willy was not a strict exponent of absolute metrics you have to work hard on some of his lines -- See Iago's speeches --- BTW , this is a differing rhyme scheme from his. but nevertheless a legitimate one . Thanks for the comment . 
 
And BBS -- yep -- and Geoffrey C . was a wicked man with some highly moral moments , as in his Parliament of Fowles . Thanks to you too . 
 
I may turn into a doodle bug ! (see intro )  
 
patterjack

Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Just Patterjackly wonderful - I've no porblem wi' the elisions, its e'en better for 'em! 
 
Oli.
Just to say...
Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I did like the elisions and the relaxed metrics, Mr S got it right, slavishly adhering to a strict scheme for no good reason ain't a good thing. :) I enjoyed the poem more for having to put a little effort into the reading of it. 
 
Elli

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Not being good at metrics I read this in my usual relaxed/careless style and I was rewarded with a relaxed easy read. I often find strict patterns trip me in the reading, but this didn't. Perhaps you've written to suit my 'ear.' 
 
Enjoyed very much. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Tin ears
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 25th October 2006
A lot of people have them , I understand . Particularly those , strangely enough , who want to tie the cadences, the rhythm of the poem , down to a metronomic beat.  
 
That beat is of course important , but it's the skeleton over which the rhythms are fleshed out. Often the metre need only be implied , not rammed down the reader's lughole . 
 
I am a fond reader of the Macspaunday poets -- the first of the four being my all time favourite for his converssational but erudite style . His maudlin madrigal , part of Autumn Journal has influenced me more than any other lines of poetry I have read. 
 
I am very gratified by all these reviews -- thank you all most sincerely . 
 
patterjack
Budgie Brain Brian...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 25th October 2006
Wonderful wicked fun, Brian. So erudite. Its not the elisions that catch my eye but the allusions, notably to the deluded. Last line an priceless encapsulation of a bird brained butt head that thinks he is a buggie. Long time since I have laughed out loud at a poem. Actually I think it was on first reading 'John Gilpin', which still makes me laugh even now. 
 
Slan!

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