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Poetry
Don't
By morley
25 October 2006
usual story for a first poem ever, i was 14/15 when i wrote this. just had what i thought back then was a "hard break up" and this just sort of flowed out. The first line was something she said to me when we broke up, so i figured they'd be a good starting point. as i've said in my profile, i write lyrics more than poems so it flows kind of like a song would.

lend me your tears, i need to cry
destroy all my fears, don't let me lie
dream me some wings, help me to fly
just one small thing, i don't want you to die

hate me for trying, tell me to leave
i'm still not crying so do as you please
deny me existance, pretend i'm not true
you'll meet no resistence when i'm not with you

my tears still aren't flowing, i'm still in that place
the world has stopped glowing, i've fallen from grace
away from this nightmare i'll wait in despair,
creating a dream in which you care

here in the darkness i'll wait all alone
creating a heaven for you to call home
in my mind there are places no-one has seen
places i don't know, places you've been

things lurk in that dark which inhabits my mind
amongst all those thoughts that no-one will find
and i'll never show it, i won't let you see
i'll never forget you, but please forget me

Reviews

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I can see exactly what you mean when you say this reads like song lyrics - it does and effectively so. I can almost hear this sung with acoustic guitar. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
now sam...
Written by no1butClo (341 comments posted) 25th October 2006
you're a sickeningly good songwriter, why waste words like this in a poem? 
 
you may not be in a gorgeous acoustic mood right now but it's there somewhere... 
 
DO IT 
 
x clo x

Written by rilLie (328 comments posted) 26th October 2006
yeah.. i could almost hear it as a song.. planning to add some chords? 
 
-rilLie

Written by ellipinnock (1786 comments posted) 26th October 2006
I see what you mean about the lyrics....this has a very nice flow to it overall. There were a couple of places where I felt there were too many or too few syllables in a line. I also felt this trod close to cliche in places, which is easier to get away with in lyrics than in a poem! That said, there's som good stuff in this, a bit of tidying up and a rewrite in places and job done! I'd revisit it with a red pen if I were you. 
 
Good stuff 
 
Elli

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