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Poetry
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Disaster at the Globe
By no1butClo
26 October 2006
...for want of another theatre. Sorry to couble post, but I just remembered about this one, and I don't like it, But I could really do with feed back so I can get some direction with it.

My apologies ladies and gentlemen,
There will be no programme for tonight’s show.
In fact, we’re not even sure there’ll be a show to see,
But since you’ve bought your tickets, please
Take your seats and we’ll see what we can do.


I’ll try and dance the Swan for you, but I
Regret to say that my pointes are cracked,
My tutu stained, my graces drained, and
My wing was broken as a cygnet babe.
No one likes to see a bird in pain.


I’ll try to sing an aria, but try to understand
That my chords are not what they were, the
Nodules were a plague of mine, and my tutor
Said I ought to stick to showy numbers, belt it
Through, like a clapped out karaoke.


I could play Juliet…perhaps that would suffice,
They say I am a drama queen, and granted
I make my stand, but balconies are brittle, boys
Just as difficult to balance, and I think I’d fill up
At my own soliloquy.


Ah! I have it! Just sit tight my lords, my ladies,
I have a proposition for you all. Tell me a word,
Any you please, and I shall answer it. And if, my dears,
All is well; we shall have ourselves a jolly verse, to read,
For as such will be my talent and yours, on a page…


A programme, free of charge.

Reviews

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 25th October 2006
I really liked your second stanza: 
 
My tutu stained, my graces drained 
My wing was broken as a cygnet babe 
 
That really works for me: reading that I can just picture a reluctant ballerina with a sullen look on her face.
Woo :)
Written by kitten_princess (31 comments posted) 27th October 2006
It just keeps getting better, doesn't it? ;)  
 
While reading it, I felt myself change tone from the first verse to the second, not sure if that was just me, but looking again, it does seem like the first bit has less imagery and is just straightforward. Don't think it needs changing, but I just noticed it. 
 
Another good'un. :roll  
 
Kitten xx
Don't like it?
Written by Tenchi (14 comments posted) 8th November 2006
I like it, nice imagery with a large dash of poignancy. Not sure of the issues behind it, but the tone carries well. I think sometimes poetry can suffer from too much forced structure and too much paranoia about getting other people to understand it. 
 
It's not my style and I haven't got the patience for veiled meaning in my work, but I think it works great the way it is and I enjoyed reading it.  
 
I think you should only change it if you really, really don't like it ;)

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