Great Writing - Home > Poetry > Two Summer 'Poems'
READING ROOM
Great Writing - Home
Read and review others' work
Articles on writing
Advice from the community
COMMUNITY
Talk to others in the forums
Events and Competitions
GW News
ABOUT GREAT WRITING
All About Us
Contact Us
WORK AWAITING REVIEW
GW IS...
Great Writing creative writing community is designed to prompt ideas and provide inspiration and motivation within aspiring and amateur authors. Whatever your topic; from love poetry to Doctor Who or Harry Potter fan fiction, Great Writing's online writing group is where you can make new friends and improve your creative writing.
WHO'S ONLINE
We have 2168 guests online and 5 members online
Poetry
Two Summer 'Poems'
By Witzl
26 October 2006
I actually love rain. Towards the end of March I begin to think longingly of summers past, but a few days in Southern California are generally enough to get me back on the right track.

OUTDOOR SWIMMING POOL

 

Cement has got a wet-rock smell

Clear puddles, warmed by sun

Reflect the tower that chimes the hour

As children shriek their fun

And mothers sit, pretend to look

Say ‘That’s nice, dear’ and smile

(They keep their fingers in the book

they’re reading all the while)

And children splash, and children scream

Sometimes they even swim!

(While grown-up children rub on cream

And look askance at them)

True swimmers plow the lanes and glare

When children block the way

Forgetting that they too came there

As children, once, to play

 

 

Wishing it Would Rain

 

The smell of grass is raw and sweet

But asphalt’s burning both my feet

And sunburned shoulders are a pain

I wish to God that it would rain

 

The Santa Anas whip you dry

As tumbleweeds go bouncing by

This endless sun is such a drain

I wish to God that it would rain

 

The sky is stretched out like a sheet

All parched and dried-out in this heat

And we who live here are insane

I wish to God that it would rain

 

I can’t believe that people pay

To come here! Me, I’d run away

If I could just hop on a train

I’d find a place where it would rain.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews
Relevant ...
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 25th October 2006
...to what is about to hit us here in Oz. 
 
I like the first one more than the second -- they both have excellent imagery , but the greater ironic (do you like that word ? ) jocularity of the second one pushes it closer to the region of verse . 
 
I wonder a little at the implications behind the use of the apostrophes around the word 'poems' . If it is intended as self deprecation it isn't needed -- both works have quality  
 
patterjack

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 26th October 2006
I enjoyed both of these, particularly the first as we have more than enough rain where I live - usually October to March. 
 
The idea/reality of half interested mothers was was a really good one. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
The Santa Anas
Written by Josie (2845 comments posted) 27th October 2006
I thought your two poems were lovely, but I think the first poem, lovely as it is, should have been divided into clear verses. It is too long all in one. I loved your imagery with the sights and smells and your descriptions of the children and mothers. I now know where you come from (California?) - because I have been reading about the Santa Anas coming from the desert areas. We were in the same situation in July this year (praying for rain) when one third of our beautiful moorland was destroyed by fire. As the moorland is peat, it is difficult to put it out as the fire burns downwards also. I guess we are all going to pay the price for destroying our beautiful planet by global warming.

   Only registered users can rate and write comments.
   Please login or register.

Powered by AkoComment 2.0!

 Previous item   Next item