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Haiku Contrasts

By patterjack

26 October 2006

I tried to set these side by side , but despite some wonderful help I just could not manage it . Not many to go

Contrasts in Threes

Six legged machines
that gather flesh for harvest.
Beware of the ants !

Black crows scrape and bow
over the bodies of sheep:
Courtiers of death.

Patiently skilful
weaver of gossamer death ,
the spider awaits .

Out of the pavement
this tree like a harlequin.
Thrusts forth its green hope

Sunlight has gilded
the conifer’s green feathers
and brightened my morning.

Raucously squawking ,
setting flame to the pine trees:
a red and blue parrot

Reviews

I think it works!
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 26th October 2006

I've liked all your high coos - though if you hadn't told me I wouldn't have know them to be such.

I'm reminded of some poems by Duncan Glenn. I used to have a signed copy, but sold it on Ebay when I was even more poor than I am now.

Oli

Written by Phil (6846 comments posted) 26th October 2006

Enjoyed these too. I know you've set these in threes, but I was particularly taken with 2a.

All the best,

Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 26th October 2006

The dreaded haiku

So hard to write (interestingly I was reading an aritcle saying that really, in order to capture the true Japanese brevity of the haiku, it should be written in 11 syllables in the opinion of the author/. Nothing like making a hard job harder

)

I'd be interested to know why you chose 6 syllables for the final lines of 2b and 2c.

Some beautiful imagery in these and a lovely turn of phrase.

Elli

You're right , Elli
Written by patterjack (1328 comments posted) 26th October 2006

Just drop off the first word of each of those lines.

I won't edit them out -- but shall leave them as a salutary reminder not to type too fast too late at night . ( the originals in my data bank are correct -- and I substituted the and for a colon + adding the unnecessary a .)

I've seen lots of variations on line /stanza lengths for haikus --- and there are varying spiritual approaches to the form as well .
But , said he in smug relief , that's all behind me now !

:grin

patterjack

Written by gwyddyn (28 comments posted) 2nd July 2007

What pleasure to read
such traditional verses
Would Basho approve?

I think so, yes.
I particularly like the first grouping - dark haiku, lovely.

Dr Robert Sheppard, at Edge Hill Uni loved haiku but promised to garrotte anybody who ever mentioned herons or maple trees. He reckoned that if the Japanese could steal our motorcycle industry we were at liberty to steal their poetic forms. A fair exchange I reckon.

Good work, more please.

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