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Poetry
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Emptiness
By Don_Quixote
26 October 2006
a lament on the unexpected departure of a loved one 

“Emptiness”
 

Never
was this beach
so empty.
Seabirds
boats’ sails
a salty breeze
mussel shells
the rising sun
have all disappeared.
Or perhaps
my soul is blind?
 

How did you do it?
That they all abandoned me
and left with you?
How? A curse?
Magic perhaps?
Why didn’t you leave
behind on the horizon
just one sail?
 

From left to right
an empty coastline
and above it
an empty sky.
Nowhere for me to shelter
from an unremitting sorrow.
 

 

Reviews
Poignant
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 26th October 2006
and heartfelt. There was an austere beauty to this that I found very touching. Lovely piece. 
 
Elli

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 26th October 2006
There's quality in your writing. Like 'Castaway,' I enjoyed this very much - although that remains my favourite. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
A beautiful poem...
Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 26th October 2006
I'm afraid of poetry (!) and don't usually understand it, but I loved this. So simple, touching and heartfelt. Well done.

Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 27th October 2006
You couldnt have written this any better. At first glance the structure seemed a little clumsy to me, but looks are decieving! You have a way of words which astounds me. 
Well done.
Well expressed
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 28th October 2006
Yes, I agree with Francoise: You have a wonderful way with words. This reminds me of the time I left home to work in Jersey. Oh, I was now so independent - - - - But when my father set sail back to England, I never felt so lost and as the ship disappeared over the horizon, I knew for certain that I was "not so independent". But after the unremitting sorrow what can you do - - - just move on! Yes, you have to.

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th November 2006
I would say 'Move on,' too. And I mean this -- you should move on, horrible though it is to do it. You move on and leave a great bit behind you, dead, but still tugging at your mind. 
 
But you don't have to do this right away necessarily; write more poetry first. Then move on and write some more.

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