Too short. Probably bitter and twisted, but what the hell.
Claims that the UK will be ready for the first full face transplant in one year have been muddied by Prince Charles today.
Rumours from the palace have been rife as to the whereabouts of Camilla's favourite horse Dobbin, who broke a leg last year and had to be destroyed. The Duchess has traditionally stuffed all her horses and then mounted them. Dobbin has been conspicuous by his absence from the billiards room.
Reporters camped outside one of The Prince's tax-free country piles finally cornered the heir to the throne this morning.
(Cut to Outside Broadcast. Big ears accosted at the gates of his feudally run house, leaning from the window of black, 06 plate Range Rover.)
Reporter: Sir, can you confirm rumours concerning Dobbin and your wife?
Charlie: [reddening] It's not true.
Reported: No sir. Not the mounting rumour. The face transplant.
Charlie: Ah yes. I see. Hum, well yes, one does struggle in the aristocracy with inbreeding. Camilla felt a face transplant from her favourite horse would cover up the results of marrying first cousins and make her more acceptable to the British people. After all, everyone loves Anne, don't they?
(Studio)
And now the weather...
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I'll have you know
Written by BrianRobertNeal (1195 comments posted) 26th October 2006 |
That I have waved my flag at every Royal Event since Her Majesty's Coronation, so to have missed this one makes my life meaningless.
It's not so much that I love royalty I just hate Presidents. |
Nice one Phil
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 26th October 2006 |
I'm not sure we would notice the difference if she did have the tranplant. I remember a Victoria Wood joke; When she was presented to Camila at some bash she said she didn't know wether to courtsey or offer a lump of sugar. I must say you are quick off the mark with this. I only heard about face transplants today so top marks for being current and funny.
Bitter and twisted, eh! Sound like my kind of guy
cheers
BBS |
Er....? No ER
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th October 2006 |
Wicked bit of business, Phil. A touch savage in its irreverence, which is what I like about it. For what it is worth I think you could have made more of this, but I understand the immediacy of your reaction probably precluded anything further here. More milage in this though, for future reference.
It will probably not surprise you to hear I grew up in a household that did not afford any pride of place to a portrait of the Queen. Mind you I do distinguish her rather more positively than her dysfunctional retinue of a family.
Well done!
Slan! |
Don't be such a nag darlin'....
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
| Great stuff. Yes, the speed with which you decided to post it somewhat undercut the wealth of possibilities it offered. It still made a really funny read... and the idea of putting personal opinions or inferences in stage directions is brilliant. Cheers. |
We love them really...
Written by woody44 (777 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
Nifty little piece Phil, and very brave considering your overwhelming love for the Royal Family..As on NewsBiscuit one has to be pretty quick off the mark with the news..and I`m sure some of those comedians over there never go to bed!
happy writing
Woody |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
Thanks for the comments everyone. I think the royals are an easy target really - but they deserve all they get in my book!
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by coosh (923 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
| Forgot to mention - you probably already know, but Sue Townsend has recently done a follow-up to that novel on the Royal Family moving to a housing estate, called "Queen Camilla" - which I assume follows pretty much the same tack.... not sure it includes the face transplant, but still... |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
This made me smile. I had to read it a few times to get all the nuances, but once I did get them, I enjoyed them.
It must be great to have a Royal Family: people who are rather naive and clueless about the world in general, but unable to do any great harm. And better still, they are always there to be enjoyably lampooned. |
Naive ? clueless ?
Written by patterjack (1433 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
Hardly-- as a taxpayer who is forced to contribute to the trappings of royalty still to be found in the Oz government system I would say that they can manipulate the sycophants who support them with a knowledgeable cunning .
patterjack |
I do sympathize. . .
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
Still, it beats having to pay for an obscenely huge military industrial complex -- all those nukes I can only pray we'll never use.
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Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
Have to agree with Patterjack; naive and clueless they're not. Have to agree with Witzl; it does beat having to pay for a huge military complex - we just pay for a small and overworked one.
Phil. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3566 comments posted) 27th October 2006 |
"it does beat having to pay for a huge military complex"
Well yes I suppose so, but they do cost nearly as much and they are quietly buy up huge chunks of land quite apart from what they own by dint of their status. They'll own the bloody country soon
"people who are rather naive and clueless about the world in general"
I think not, my friend. It's dangerously naive to think they are. They do one thing really well, they survive. In fact in all they do (rant over)
cheers
BBS |
Grrrrand crack!
Written by givitsum (651 comments posted) 30th October 2006 |
Thumbs up Phil, good post sir in my opinion. As you say, they are easy targets, but there's so much material in them it's a shame not to exploit it once in a while.
Rgds
Givitsum |
Good Stuff!
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 2nd November 2006 |
What NOT NEWS was made for, biting satire and rapier wit.
Seriously, a horse face would be an improvement for Camilla, and would facilitate matters in the bridle suite (if you see what I mean), by gagging the old mare with a bit, and allowing big-ears to get a set of reins in his hands to help him stay in the saddle a bit longer.
Oli
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Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 2nd November 2006 |
Not fair Oli, your review was funnier than my piece!
Thanks for the comments.
Phil |
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