The road which the limousine took seemed familiar, even though Tara had only seen these neighbourhoods twice. She looked at the Georgian houses with their bay windows and at the small shops along the empty streets. Most windows were dark, but at the pubs a yellowish glow could still be seen. Every now and then, she spotted groups of men wearing kilts and football shirts. She sighed.
Why did they have to choose this town? They could have selected London, Liverpool, Birmingham, Cardiff... But no, it had to be Scotland. They reached Princess Street and the castle appeared against the starry sky. Ten years ago she had seen it for the last time. Ten years... but now it seemed like yesterday. As she looked at the rocky hill, her vision became blurred and she felt how a drop rolled down her cheek. She cursed herself for it. As if it still mattered. What was five months compared to ten years?
But as they passed South Bridge and Waverley station, she couldn't resist looking at the people's faces, searching for his. She knew it was folly, for why would he still live in Edinburgh? And even if he did, why would he be here? What would he be doing? Shopping at Jenners?
They approached the hotel and the street got busier. It seemed that many of the people in the crowd had gathered just to see her and her crew. As the cars passed them, they waved and took photos.
Tara felt a little uncomfortable. In Dublin she had enjoyed the attention. For the first time in her life she had been the centre of the night, the spotlights had focussed on her and she had been the queen of the party, but here in Edinburgh, things were different. What if he was amongst them? What if she would see him? What if he would adress her?

The car stopped right in front of the building and as the driver opened the door and she stepped out of the car, she was blinded by the flashing lights. She tried to wipe away the tear. She would blame it on the contacts, or tell them she was moved by their warm welcome. There was no need to mention him. People yelled her name and hands reached out to her. She shook as many as she could and waved at the people she couldn't touch. Then she entered the lobby. There was no time for autographs today. She was tired and she wanted to leave the crowd behind as soon as possible. She hadn't seen him. What a foolish thought it had been. As if he would come to watch her. Even if he was still living here, he would be far too proud to even show the slightest interest.

She shook her head and walked towards the others. A delicate hand touched her shoulder.
" Are you allright, Tara?"
She nodded.
" Just a little nervous. Thanks Lena."
" I can imagine that. I still remember my first premiere in the UK."
" All those fans..."
" There aren't as many as there were in Dublin."

She tried to smile and shook hands with the rest of the crew. They talked about the film and the premiere tomorrow, but after an hour she excused herself.
A page showed her to her room. She opened the window and then she lay down on the huge bed and listened to the sounds outside.
Edinburgh... She both loved and hated this city. Thoughts were running through her head. What if he had been there? What if she just hadn't noticed him? People could change a lot in ten years. Yet could she ever forget his eyes? If he had been there, and she had not noticed him, would he think she had grown arrogant? Or perhaps that she wanted revenge? That she prentended not to recognize him? That this time she rejected him?
Of course he hadn't been there. He was probably married and had children. He would probably have heard of her succes, but perhaps he had just shrugged and forgotten about it. Or maybe he would boast to his friends about their relationship. " I have slept with Tara, the movie star, but I ditched her, for she was a freaking loony"...
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The past was the past. Bygones were bygones. She would never meet him again, never.
But then she felt how her shoulders were shaking and she heard her own sobbing. Outside hundreds chanting her name, but the only man she had ever loved hadn't even come to see her...