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By patterjack
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27 October 2006 |
Three Final Haikus
a. An abstract
A bright yellow door
with a dark room beyond it.
Is this where it ends?
b. A specific
Incinerator.
makes of children’s endeavours
rubbish and ashes.
c. A final wish.
Preserve me from those
whose pleasure never exceeds
the rape of a mind.
And a sign off.
cliche collector
wearing out phrases and words
writer of haikus. |
Compressed communication
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 26th October 2006 | Presumably the end. And a fitting one. With a wonderful touch of self mockery. Humour redeems everything. If I had one piece of advice for angst ridden adolescent verse writers and would be poets of this site, it would be to get a sense of humour as well as a life. Its also a way of getting readers. Fortunately, you have no problem there.
Again masterly conception, Brian, and matchless execution. ' Compressed communication 'par excellence.
My compliments to you.
Slan! | Thank you , Gerard
Written by patterjack (1196 comments posted) 26th October 2006 | I am glad that I managed to get them all up -- with more than a little help from friend .
Phewww !
patterjack | Well written
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 26th October 2006 | | I can see from all the haiku which you have written, and which I have enjoyed very much, how very difficult it must be to write in this way. You have succeeded very well Brian and I congratulate you on all the hard work you've done and on the beautiful imagery. I'm sure I could never do so well with this type of poetry. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 27th October 2006 | For me these were a marked change of tone from your previous haikus. I thought they were extremely powerful and quite dark. I think this my favourite set of the lot.
I have to agree with Gerard, wonderfully astute compressed communication and I loved the touch at the end. Bet you're glad to have come to the finale though!
Elli |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 27th October 2006 | As I mentioned in my last review, you've converted a sceptic to the form. Not because of the form itself, but because of your skill and the images you have created. Thanks.
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 27th October 2006 | Philistine convert
To Haiku structured poems
No mean feat at all
As gerard says, a sense of wry humour makes poetry so much more palatable. I did enjoy all of them,especially these. good to end on a high note.
Always leave them calling for more
cheers
BBS |
Written by Gill21 (566 comments posted) 28th October 2006 | Your writing deserves much more than my pitiful review and honestly i don't even understand half of them even though i studied lit at Uni (have you all taken extensive literature review courses or something?). However, i have read them all with pleasure (except the prelude, the equation threw me off) and have enjoyed each and every one. Winter is still my favourite, however i loved the structure of this one particularly as you counted down to your finale; 'An abstract', 'A specific', A final wish'.
I looked it up and now knowing what a 'haikus' is i somehow take much more meaning from them. This one, as Elli has said, seemed very dark compared to the others and the imagery and use of language was as delicately placed and eloquent as always. The 'sign off' rounded it off well. A little humour goes a long way. 
I feel i have learnt a little something here! Thanks Brian. |
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