FROM THE GEORGE MICHAEL WILDLIFE TRUST NEWSLETTER, 30 October 2006.

After considerable criticism from Stonewall and other Gay Rights groups that the BBC wildlife programmes show only animals engaged in hetrosexual activity, the producers of Nature Watch have succumbed to pressure to screen a series likewise publicising the more exotic menagerie with which we all share these islands. Co- hosted by Graham Norton and Claire ' My Hun's a Horsebox ' Balding, ' The Wooftas of Wimbledon Common ' will be scheduled to come out in the Spring of next year. Linking with camera teams also on Clapham Common and Hampstead Heath, series Producer Stephen ' Your's for a Fiver Fry ', a keen Todger Twitcher himself, said he was so exited by the project he had already managed a seven inch stiffie just thinking about it! He described the programme as attempting to shed light upon the little known behaviour of the insatiable secretive fairy creatures that inhabit our woodland and open spaces, often only venturing out after dark. Adding  :

' We have positioned cameras in specially secluded hides, particularly around the Gent's Toilets. We've got lots of cackling Common Shags on film already, but we are anxious to get footage of the rarely seen really big broomstaved beasts like the Great Pink Plumed Poofta stalking his prey '.

Asked what would especially tickle his tomatoes better than a month in a Turkish Sauna, he replied :

' I am hopeful we can catch a couple of Giant Male Cocks mating. Particularly the Larger Closet Faggot. We know he's out there. Its just a case of being patient and waiting for the big fellow to pop out and perform. You have to be careful, though. Research shows these animals like to approach from behind. But Hey!! What a super bonus when you cop for one you're not expecting round the back!! Its true isn't it!? We've all been out for a stroll at night and heard the calls from the chattering wildlife in the bushes -------' Ooooooh! 'Ello Sailor! Get You!... Ooooooh! Cheeky Boy!....Ooooooh! This'll make yer eyes water!!------. But no one has as yet seen one of the randy buggers loop the loop on prime time TV '.

Early rushes from the series include a wonderful close up of two noisy Little Shags blowing on the Bum Boy's Bugle behind the pansy beds.
 
' This is certain to become a favourite with the viewers',  Fatty Fry, the Cambridge Cad exclaimed. 'Its so endearing! The camera crew have already taken them to their hearts and christened them Julian and Pixie! We'll be following that one closely and will try to trace them back to their natural habitat by pursuing them all the way back home. That should get the viewing public leaking gas and lighting it! Unless, of course, we hear fron Ant and Dec with a cheque for five thousand pounds before lunchtime!'. 

(C) Mincer and Mandellson AGY. Sinc. 2006