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Poetry
Black Swan
By ellipinnock
01 November 2006
Back to playing tennis with the net down for this one :)

Still a work in progress

Ice white swans in flight,
flashing overhead, carving
sinuous trails across the sky.

Lithe bubbles
blowing
in the wind,
reflected in the frozen glass below.

A blow comes
and the flock
fractures,
shards discarded in the wind,
a whirring, collapsing kaleidoscope
skittering heavenwards.
Swooping, wheeling, random
aimless.

Sweeping spirals homing in
on their current
infatuation.

I shudder and leave
my frown in that mirror,
still searching
for
a perfect flock,

pure, white, wild, abandonment

finding instead its nemesis
equal, opposite
cool, clear and confident
serene and wild
and
content.
Black swan.

Reviews

Written by Phil (6836 comments posted) 1st November 2006
Elli, there's something about this that draws me in. I think perhaps it's the very effective way you 'paint' the picture. I really liked this. The words were beautifully put together.  
 
Now, this is probably down to my dimness and not your writing; I saw the contrast in the end, but I don't think I took away from this all that you intended. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3445 comments posted) 1st November 2006
I can only echo what Phil said I was really drawn into this and read it a few times over, you not only create vivid images but also a strange atmosphere.I cannot comment on it as a poem but as a piece of writing it was strangely affecting 
cheers 
BBS

Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 1st November 2006
I too found this captivating, there's something about the way you've arranged the words that pulls the reader in - it just flows so well, and in a oddly enchanting way.  
The images you've created are beautiful too. I liked this lots. 
 
Take care x 
 

Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 1st November 2006
Agree with what everyone else has said, captivating.. I envy the way in which you capture such broad feelings with limited words and with one central image. Great piece 
I've had a look at all of your work in poetry today and you really do write beautifully. I could learn alot from you! 
 
 
All the Best 
 
Fran
HI Elli
Written by jean.day (2326 comments posted) 1st November 2006
Such beautiful images - I was going to pick out which bits I particularly liked, and I think it is all just wonderful. You do have a way too taking words and making them into so much more - 
 
As several others have said, I am not quite sure about leaving your frown on the mirror - and seeing black swans when you are looking for white, but then deciding that the black ones have a beauty of their own - but perhaps each of us can interpret that in our own way. That is the beauty of poetry.
Elli P - Marry Me! (2nd try)
Written by Talisker (1328 comments posted) 2nd November 2006
Just lovely.  
 
Oli
Thanks
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 2nd November 2006
to everyone for your kind comments.  
 
I think this still needs some work to carry off what it was supposed to i.e. the intertwining of the images of swans flying over a frozen lake and a girl looking into a mirror, have tweaked a little may tweak some more later :) 
 
Cheers again  
 
Elli

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