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Poetry
Skeleton House
By JodhiDee
04 November 2006
Inspired by a pub I managed that was a strange place and from listening to a lot of Tom Waits that seemed appropiate.

A land lady who wasn't old not that long ago
pours her woes
into a tall glass and sups them down
with the rest of the yellow, sunken faced frowns.
Who perch on the worn out leather chairs
like forgotten pirates parrots with their unanswered prayers.
At their tattered feathers they preen and they pull
until this skeleton house is full of their sorrows.

The staff moan and whine
and they steal and lie
within this old skeleton house.
With fogs of smoke
which hangs heavy with talk
in which words parade with false meaning
but sink fast along with their eyes.

The ship is about to set sail
to a distant no where
with its cheap fair
and motely crew
it'll take you where you don't want to go
but were heading all along.

Have a drink on me and
Come deep inside
and see
for yourself what rots beneath.


Reviews

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 4th November 2006
The Ladies' Christian Temperance Union could use this!  
 
Reading this, you get a scary glimpse into the world of people who cannot handle alcohol. This is the flip side of the image that is sold to us by the big distilleries and breweries, who would have us believe that drinkers are rich, young, successful bon vivants. 
 
A few picky points: You need an apostrophe after 'pirates' to show that it is modifying 'parrots.' Also, I would prefer 'no where' to be all one word and, if possible, capitalized. Sorry -- former proof-reader -- can't help myself. Bit like someone who tweaks the tie and brushes the speck of lint off the suit of an otherwise well-dressed gentleman. 
 
This does have a Tom Waits ring to it.

Written by JodhiDee (15 comments posted) 4th November 2006
Thank you for your comments especially on the 'picky points' this is why I enjoy using this site. I don't simply want to air my words and polish an ego placed teetering on the mantle piece but be pulled and tucked in where needed. And it is needed and greatly appreciated. I enjoying learning from you all. x

Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 4th November 2006
I liked this Jodie (?) 
 
There's something about this that's similar to those urban landscape photographs that juxtapose shiny, stainless-steel buildings with decay and decreptitude. 
 
Picky point two: (sorry) Some of your punctuation was unusually placed and if strickly adhered to does not help understanding or flow. 
 
Look forward to more. 
 
Phil.
Doh!
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 4th November 2006
strictly !!!!!

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