This is something I wrote when I was 16. It's probably drivel, it's probably poor and it's probably not worth reading, but I feel something when I read it. I'm not a poet (the people laugh as they read, and realise that indeed Mr Shakermaker is indeed NOT a poet), but here goes nothing....
This is about growing up and how five friends drift apart and then meet again(I think.)
Lost In Heaven. Held In Sunset.
Blown past the mystery of tomorrow
As virtual fantasy captures souls
We've been ridiculed throughout nature
Been back to history. Fell through.
Every window gave a memory
But no reflections, no decisions
were left for us to take
Can't be together. Forever.
Although we'd all be forgotten
Whichever way our threatened ways burned
wouldn't seem enough
Time is in our head. Never our hands.
It was never our ideology
Never our acceptance that
held our victory
Only, lonely. Bound as one.
Five, famous lifelines
Treading paths, meeting you again
Lost in heaven. Held in sunset
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Held in Sunset
Written by Josie (2823 comments posted) 4th November 2006 |
| I'd never say "drivel" to something someone had written, but my interpretation of poetry is probably different to that of the others. If I can't see what you are saying very quickly, have to struggle to reach the subject, have to start delving, then you have not "inspired" me - but I know others don't feel the same. Call me "thick" but I can't exactly find your "subject" in this poem. Please tell me what it is that is lost in heaven and held in sunset. Perhaps I just need a bit of help here. |
Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 4th November 2006 |
I don't know really what is lost in heaven or held in sunset...It's so long since I wrote it. I guess it's about being five friends being lost in our own heaven, our own lives...Lives that have drifted apart. But we're connected every single day and "held in sunset"...Five people have grew paart and the writer is looking at them and working out why they drifted and probably hoping they're still as connected as he thinks.That's the best way I can describe it now(at present), and I'm glad you've asked me what it means because I still don't really know and will give it a look again...It does mean something to me though and I believe that even if you don't get something then you can feel it, and if you feel it then that's enough.
Maybe I'm the thick one!!!! |
Written by Phil (6828 comments posted) 4th November 2006 |
It is a little vague at times, but I too feel something when I read it. There are ideas here to work on and develop, perhaps. I really liked the idea of 'held in sunset.' As if that young part of their lives was ending as they all went their separate ways.
Phil. |
Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 4th November 2006 |
| Maybe it's a goodbye to childhood...They've all gone their own way, but everytime the sun goes down, they'll be reminded of one another... |
Written by andybyers (176 comments posted) 18th September 2007 |
Wow. Christ. Wish I'd been writing stuff like that when I was 16. Most of the stuff I wrote in high school makes me wince these days. There are a couple of lines in here I really envy. I love "whichever way our threatened ways burned" in particular; "time is in our head. Never in our hands" is another one... there's such truth in that.
Feels to me like it's about a love affair between two people not masters of their own fate... too young... slaves... married to the 'wrong' significant other... A poem that nicely evokes a moment of twilight in the soul. I really like this.
I haven't read the other comments yet; I didn't want to be influenced. I'll publish this and then go back. |
Written by andybyers (176 comments posted) 18th September 2007 |
Ah, it's interesting what can come from free form work! Now I've read the comments. Fascinating how broad the interpretations can be. The synergy for me was wholly different!
I took the first two lines of the last stanza to be the evocation of a hand... five, referring to fingers; combined with lifelines, a reference to the palm; bound as one, united as a hand; one, lonely... this is a hand that is no longer held... that was once held in sunset, something now lost, something that was heavenly to the speaker. There's a hope that it can be recovered. That's how it plays out for me. And I like that.  |
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