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Poetry
Freedom On The True Scale
By shakermaker
04 November 2006
A piece from when I was 17...Again it's not good, again I feel something as I read it...

In the meantime, they hold on to their so called freedom
Eventually they get lost in time:

Friends leave, and still the same faces appear when you'd rather they didn't.
One after another they pass through the eye of the storm
Struggling for victory against the overwhelming odds
They grow old and the youth dismiss them
Brave faces of elderly men, with hints of the boy within, look back at what might have been
Laughing off the errors, but still feeling the pain.
Yet the battle continues, and time is spent trying to hold their head high
Working out ways to teach the old dog in them, new tricks. In vain.


In the meantime they hold on to their so called freedom.

Reviews
Olld dogs - in vain?
Written by Josie (2844 comments posted) 4th November 2006
Hmmmm - You'll find quite a few old dogs on this website who are learning lots of new tricks, ha ha. Not in vain! Also, I don't think they'll tell you that the youth dismiss them! - - - - The youth look up to them. But, let them off the leashes and they'll bark for themselves.

Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 4th November 2006
I think I was referring to a generation before yours! I got a picture of a lonely old man in my head, a widower who had lost things and was struggling. 
For some reason(although there was no inspiration behind it) I'm thinking of the old guy in Shawkshank Redemption, who has spent his life in prison and is let out as an old man. 
Keep barking! ;)

Written by ellipinnock (1784 comments posted) 7th November 2006
This read like a draft of ideas for a poem to me. As such there are some good ideas in here. I think you may need to pay a little more attention to the structure of this, at the moment it reads quite like prose to me and if you are going to use the concept of teaching an old dog new tricks maybe it could be reworked a bit more subtly? 
 
Elli

Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 7th November 2006
Oh it's bloody awful, but I can see you're the optimist! Maybe I need to slow down before adding things to the site and work on things more, rather than just throwing in any old rubbish. But again thanks for adding your thoughts and maybe I could take a little time reworking it.

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