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By francoise
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05 November 2006 |
I have absolutely no idea if this makes sense to anyone or not. Sorry about the less than original title too.
I carried her across the stream My hands were hard as stone. I could not face her blasted life Nor bear to feel alone. Alone I could not bear to be Nor face her blasted life. The stones she used to hold me down Into this stream at night.
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Written by Phil (6383 comments posted) 4th November 2006 | Sorry, I can't really make out what you're trying to say. Could be my dimness again!
Some positives - It has an interesting structure. I like the varied repetitions. It reads well.
All the best,
Phil.
| Life, Stream and Stones
Written by eloquentdukewilson (38 comments posted) 4th November 2006 | Echo previous comment about the structure.
The moral, the clinch, the point, etc - that's inside you, but I did get an image while reading and my own story behind the image - man carrying a dead woman, an emasculating woman - vague, but that's what I got and it was enough. Probably completely contrary to what you intended, but at least it inspired something in my head.
Thanks for the read.
Why was this written from the man's p.o.v.? Because of your name I'm assuming you're female and I'm always curious why a woman would write from a man's view. | And . . .
Written by eloquentdukewilson (38 comments posted) 4th November 2006 | | Sorry about the font of my comment. | V.good concept...
Written by Talisker (1300 comments posted) 5th November 2006 | I see almost a vertical symmetry about this which is a very interesting idea.
The subject matter is a bit obscure, but if all I take from it is the idea of poetical symmetry then I've won a proverbial watch.
Thanks Fran!
Oli. |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 5th November 2006 | I've got no idea what this is about, but I know I like it!
The part that keeps pulling at me is the inverted repitition in the middle -- there is something mesmerizing about this that reminds me of cold running water, God knows why.
Not for one minute did I assume that this was written from a male perspective -- (maybe that's just my own female chauvinism rearing its ugly head yet again) -- but I did feel that the poem lived up to its name. | Thankyou
Written by francoise (129 comments posted) 5th November 2006 | Interesting interpretations! A reader helping the writer understand his work better? That's the crazy world of poetry for for you! All the better for it too.
Seriously though.. The poetical symmetry was used to capture the image of water, its reflection. The subject and object of the poem to me, are one and the same, both trying to end each others lives but ultimately fruitless, neither exists without the other..
But of course, elusive is my middle name, and I'm just gonna leave this for you guys to happily dissect!
Thanks for all your comments |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th November 2006 | I thought this was really good. I liked the symmetry of the poem, it kind of mirrors their struglle for me. Fantastic
Elli |
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