The piece should explain all. Diary of a Bacchanal
6th November 2006
Weight 283lbs. Alcohol: 23 units
An accusatory crowd of green wine bottles stand by the back door, awaiting the trip to the amenity site for recycling. The civic pride in doing the “green” thing with the detritus of my drinking does little to ease the remorse.
Today is an important day. Remember, remember the sixth of November, when Oli gave up drinking. Not only that, but I have decided to take a cameraman on the ascent of my personal Everest. If I can stay sober until Christmas, I will have reached the summit. I have not been sober for more than a few days in the last ten years – hopefully that gives the reader a sense of the challenge ahead.
Success or failure, pain and anguish, frustration, insomnia, delirium tremens, all will be played out publicly on this site. If nobody reads this diary, it will still serve a purpose for me. Catharsis, distraction, a sense of not being alone, my base camp, I intend it to fill all of these purposes.
So here I am, just before two in the afternoon. The sun is streaming into my little box room. Any sense of hangover is long gone. I had two and a half bottles of cold white wine last night. Not bad stuff really, Tesco Finest Denman Australian Chardonnay, Inycon Sicilian Chardonnay. The labels generally make similar promises, tropical fruit, good aperitif, hint of butter on the finish. There’s no pretence of being a wine expert, it’s the effect rather than the taste that matters, unless the taste is particularly objectionable.
I gulp rather than sip. Lately I find myself holding a mouthful of wine for some minutes – it seems my mouth is mechanically rebelling – perhaps after intense lobbying from my hard pressed liver.
My last visit to the GP revealed that my Gamma GT reading, a measure of alcoholic liver damage was 212. It should be 40 – 60. I’m assured that it can return to normal, IF I stop drinking. Either that or I die a slow and painful death. Bear in mind that I’m on loads of medication for high blood pressure and depression too. Not a great addition to the cocktail.
Enough pathos for now dear reader – please accompany me on the hardest journey of my life and help me enjoy the view from the peak. I feel strong right now. When darkness falls, your words of encouragement may help spur me on.
Oli.
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Only quitters can't quit
Written by Snodlander (507 comments posted) 6th November 2006 | Oli, please, please hold to your resolve. My Mum was an alcoholic. Her downfall was that she was never a nuisance. She rarely got wasted, and was never one of those drunks that would sob into your shoulder or fight the world. She was a fun person sober, and hardly different drunk. So no-one really tackled her about it.
She died when my daughter was four. My daughter cannot remember her. She never saw my son. I miss her still, 14 years later. The only blessing was that Dad had died in a car crash some years before her. He would never have coped without her there.
I also have high blood pressure, though my occasional black moods are nothing. If you can do it, so shall I. I shall remain teetotal with you on your ascent, Tensing to your Hillary. No-one climbs a mountain entirely solo. Don't let me down.
Erm... you were sober when you wrote those nice things about my writing, weren't you? | Thanks Snodders!
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 6th November 2006 | For stepping up to the plate, and more so for offering to be my faithful sherpa guide!!
I rarely drive the PC drunk, I drink between 20.00 hours and about 00.00 hours, so check the posting times  But I never get really drunk either, just comfortably numb 
Look out your crampons!!!
Oli. |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 6th November 2006 | Sorry Oli, I've been trying to comment on this for a while but keep deleting my comments. Everything I write seems a little trite. Personal pieces are so hard to comment on. I feel I know some of you through your posts, at least a little, and I truely hope you do well with this. Of all the writers on the site, it is you I look out for when I want a read, and when I've posted, it is your reviews I value the most. Call it virtual friendship - based on what, I don't know - but there it is. So here's one friend who's right behind you.
I'll be looking out for more entries in your online diary.
The above may be trite, but it is sincere.
All the best,
Phil. | Not trite at all Phil...
Written by Talisker (1331 comments posted) 6th November 2006 | I have to say I have few friends in the real world, never really had. Besides my long suffering wife, Weasel, and my two Westie bitches Rowan and Lorne. So, absurdly perhaps, I count you amongst my very best pals.
To know someone's thoughts, tastes, political and moral views, must be to know them in a very real sense. What is friendship if not that?
You can be base camp commander Phil, keep the two way radio to hand - I foresee some SOS calls from the slopes above...Yodelayeeooooooo!!!
Thanks pal!
Oli  |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3559 comments posted) 6th November 2006 | I must say the non-fiction forum has never been so lively
At first I thought we were in Bridget Jones Diary territory with this ( I'm willing to bet good money you've never read it) However this looks like the real thing and although you mention pathos I thought if refreshingly free of it. I knew two people who had drink problems, they were totally different except for the fact they refused to admit a problem, so you've at least grasped that nettle. I suppose the acid test is "if it costs you more than money it's a problem"
If the writing helps give a sense of perspective then by all means give it a try. It's got to be better than those anti-depressants. I'll keep an eye out for more
cheers
BBS | I have a video ...
Written by johniebg (553 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | ... called bacchanal but it isnt about drinking.
I like your honesty. Sometimes a voice is all we need ... just think of all that amazing writing your be doing while sober into the wee small hours.
I look forward to reading it.
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Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Hi Oli. It's difficult to know exactly what to say, because I've never been where you are right now (apart from the depression), but I hope you can take comfort from knowing that there are so many people out there who care a great deal about you. It's good that you are feeling strong at the moment, and I hope you continue to feel that way, but during your darker moments, and from what I've read, there have been quite a few, remember that we all care for you, and don't give up! You have a remarkable gift - my mum will testify to that. She treasures the beautiful poem you wrote on the occasion of her anniversary, and your words brought comfort to a grieving family - you have brought happiness and consolation to so many people. You'll find that it will returned to you a hundredfold.
Take care of yourself. |
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | It's me again! A message from my mum:
"Don't give up, and keep yourself well, so you don't lose that wonderful gift that God gave you" |
Written by JourneyAtNight (318 comments posted) 11th November 2006 | Oli - I really admire your integrity, and I can only echo the above and say please don't give up!
I don't know you very well so I won't ramble on but ( as corny as it may sound) from what I have read the past couple of months, I know you have so much strength - so use it!
My thoughts will be with you.
Take care.
JAN  |
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