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Poetry
Dali Days
By gutterkitty
06 November 2006
My relationship recently became long-distance and this is a bit of moan at that fact. I used a bit of licence with the mention of Dali, but I felt I had to work him in somehow.


Time elongates itself between visits,
stretches days to a transparent film
which winter-bright light permeates.
The numbers on the clock grow thin and
anorexic with want. They slice my days
with their skeletal shapes,
but refuse to eat from the plates
I layer with winter-bright hours.
I pile them high like cakes, dusted with
the things I do to pass the time.
But these numerals’ lips are tight slits
in these inbetween days. Dry tongues tick
inside hollow mouths.

Then he’s here and time snaps back
like an elastic band. I taste its ricochet
burn across the days. The numbers step forth
from the clock, mouths wide.
They eat my days, smacking their lips.
Soon they are fat and black
like the stamp of a day-to-day calendar. I watch as
the hours are ripped away from its pad and
caught on the wind like anaemic leaves.

Reviews

Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 6th November 2006
Well, that is beautiful and finely expressed. If there is any need of adjustment or criticism here, I certainly cannot find it.

Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3351 comments posted) 6th November 2006
A clever and well written bit of doggerel. I thought the Dali references worked well. I did think the first chunk (I believe poets call them stanzas) worked much better than the second- I didn't understand "tasting a ricochet" - but there were some nice metaphors to enjoy 
cheers 
BBS

Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 6th November 2006
I liked this, I too am in a LDR, and they're, at times, unbearable. I totally understand where you're coming from. The days apart are so slow and then you're together and the clock seems to tick faster. The days go quicker and all of a sudden that clock slows down again... :(

Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 6th November 2006
The Dali bit worked well. The pictures I had in my head were all happily melting away. 
 
Overall, I liked it. The seventh line jarred for me, but as I seem to be saying quite a lot of late - it could be my lack of insight/stupidity. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 7th November 2006
I really liked this, some beautiful imagery in here although I wasn't too sure about 'anaemic leaves' 
 
Elli
Simple...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 7th November 2006
Have a secret affair while he's away. Your perception of time will be re-balanced effectively. You can morally justify it because he's chosen to desert you in favour of whatever he's doing far away. 
 
Perhaps he will be doing the same? Unless he's on an oilrig or the space station. Even then? 
 
Oli 
 

Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 7th November 2006
Thanks for your comments everyone! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'll take your suggestions into account (except yours, Oli. You are a bad man who has no respect for oilrigging spacemen).

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