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Poetry
Pursuit of Beauty (2)
By ellipinnock
07 November 2006
2nd draft with the two extra verses-I hope this has become a little less cryptic than the previous draft...

Hollow rattling bones spiral round and round
scattered, draping over loose, tumbling scree
Drilling deeper down into hallowed ground.

Twisting confusion, temptations abound
in this game of chance, a grotesque parody.
Hollow rattling bones spiral round and round.

Pale fingers clutch at scraps, weeks old now, found
discarded, guilty pleasures taken secretly.
Drilling deeper down into hallowed ground.

Taut skin slowly creaking and warping, bound
over grey tortured frames that wait to flee,
hollow rattling bones spiral round and round.

Random faces, distant voices sound
around an empty, lifeless tragedy,
drilling deeper down into hallowed ground.

Where once was beauty now lies a half-drowned
effigy, silent still in apathy.
Hollow, rattling bones spiral round and round,
drilling deeper down into hallowed ground.

Reviews
I must take time...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 7th November 2006
To digest this. It deserves more than a knee jerk. 
 
She has a BF! She has a BF! My time on Earth is done, goodbye cruel world! :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry :cry

Written by Phil (6738 comments posted) 7th November 2006
I've lost it! What's a BF? 
 
I remember the first draft. I got a lot more from this. It read very well - though I'm still not with you all the way. I'm certain, in this case, that it's me, not you. I think it's the hallowed groud part. Would it be inappropriate to ask exactly what the image refers to? Sorry. I really want to get to grips with this as there's something very alluring about it. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.
Very Evocative...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 8th November 2006
There is a line I think where what is in the personal mind becomes too obscure, unless you could borrow the writers brain and eyes. 
 
If you are writing to communicate (I'll make the assumption you are if you post on here) perhaps you should say more in the preamble? 
 
Otherwise the poetry, which is beautiful, becomes a beautiful mysterious maze , when it could be a beautiful, resplendent garden. Lovely words, I think a lot of them figurative, clearly concealing profound meaning. Your poetry is so good, in my humble opinion, that it stands out even without full comprehension. But one feels cheated out of the denouement. Sex without the climax -very nice, but with a frustration. 
 
Oli :)
Hi Eli
Written by jean.day (2286 comments posted) 11th November 2006
I am not a poet, and know that your work is far beyond my ability to comment on from a poetic point of view. But I like this poem - because of the rhythm and feeling it gives me.  
 
I was thinking as I read it of an archeology site on a graveyard property. I'm sure it is much more profound than that.
Thanks Jean
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 11th November 2006
Having read your review I've just reread my poem and got a whole new perspective on it. That's one of the things I love about poetry-different people read such different meaning in what you write. The initial idea behind this poem was of an anorexic who had starved themselves to death but your interpretation also reads quite nicely, so thanks! I always appreciate your comments. 
 
Ta 
 
Elli

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