Not too sure about this. It just came to me. No one in particular in mind. She wears her womanhood clumsily,
Like a toddler wears her mother’s shoes,
Stumbling, forward, precariously,
Careless, powerless to refuse,
Affection at any cost.
She makes her face excessively,
Conceals the pores of her humanity,
Until her perfect skin shines dollishly,
And lipstick grin suggests insanity,
The line is crossed.
To shallow men she’s easy quarry,
A bird in hand, a last resort,
Each brief liaison leaves her sorry,
In some way cheated, somehow sold short,
A dumping ground.
But then attention, without caring,
Hurts her less than loneliness,
Sitting needy and despairing,
Does she crave a man’s caress,
Or to be found?
Oli (09/11/06) |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 9th November 2006 | I think this is a really good idea for a poem and could do with some development. I love the metaphor of a toddler in her mother's shoes but I wasn't sure about "concealing the pores of her humanity" and the grin that suggests insanity- they seemed a bit over the top to me. On the other hand, I loved the idea of the girl being a lost doll and felt it could do with some development. All in all, a nice piece  |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (5077 comments posted) 9th November 2006 | I,too, think this worked really well, very graphic.
Almost up there with "The Lark" You seem to be on a roll
cheers
BBS |
Written by ellipinnock (1816 comments posted) 9th November 2006 | I liked this very much. For what it's worth I actually thought the 'pores of humanity' and lipstick grin' lines were strong and maybe the second stanza was weaker than the first. (shrugs shoulders). The point being, I enjoyed it very much.
Elli |
Written by Phil (8763 comments posted) 9th November 2006 | Enjoyed very much. I too liked the 'pores of humanity' line, in fact the whole thing worked very well for me. I don't know if this is exactly what you meant, but it made me think of masks. Who knows what's behind them or why they are worn?
All the best,
Phil. | found
Written by no1butClo (345 comments posted) 9th November 2006 | ...definitely. I love this poem, it reminds me of despairing phonecalls with a girlfriend being pretentious and self-centred for hours on end...but hey, what is being young for? 
In a sad way it reminds me of people I've known, and even myself, a nice insight =)
x clo x |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 9th November 2006 | I also liked 'conceals the pores of her humanity'. There are people -- women and even some men -- who really do paint their faces into masks, as though there is something shameful about pores and slight imperfections. Those are the features that make us individuals, so it is disconcerting to see how some people carefully and consistently conceal them. I hate to see those glossy, magazine- perfect makeover women; they don't look like real people at all.
'But then attention, without caring / Hurts her less than loneliness' -- thoughtful words. I picture a singles bar (do they still have those, or do they call them something different?) at which someone is sitting alone, nursing a drink, perkily hopeful, smile a little too bright under heart-breakingly careful make-up. |
Written by rilLie (5 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | i liked this. as uaual. i liked all the metaphors, which by the way, we are taking up in school for the second semester... any chance I can show your poems to class? 
rilLie |
Written by JourneyAtNight (355 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Another cracker here!
As mentioned above, I thought the idea of a toddler wearing her mothers shoes was really good - it does well in conveying her naivety.
Take Care.
J.A.N |
Written by ahhbee (1 comments posted) 15th February 2007 | | i think this is well written, i also like the idea of the pores, it gave me this strong image of myself covering my face in foundation and then the sadness of it the need to cover the human body, the only thing we are given - we cover it. |
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