Can failure underpin success? Diary of a Bacchanal Part 5
What a difference a day makes, twenty-four little hours…
I could indulge in self pity this morning. Correction, I have been indulging in self-pity this morning.
There was once a biscuit advert that went “give us McVities, not excuses” – it stuck in my mind, like such things do. So I’ll spare the reader the excuses. I’m not going to draw a distinction between excuses and reasons either, the line is too faint. I drank last night because I drank last night. I slipped for a million reasons and excuses and for no reason or excuse. But to resurrect the earlier Everest expedition analogy, I plummeted, but just to the extent of my safety rope. The crampon held (thank God I didn’t use the tampons supplied by Sherpa Snodders!), and here I am dangling stupidly, but still alive, and where there’s life…well you know the rest.
Enough said on the negative side of things. I’ve been lying in bed, slightly fuzzy of head, agonising over whether I should continue this blog. Of course I should! I should redouble my efforts and learn the lessons of failure for a change, instead of wallowing in it. How many great successes have been built on a foundation of small failures? During the three sober days I learnt some things about myself, about sobriety, about friends, about life. It would be foolish profligacy to throw these lessons away.
So here we are, which is a suitable place and time to draw a line under the reflection, and look upwards again, towards the higher ground. This time, when I leave my tent for the next ascent, I will be leaving behind the doubts, the discounted failure, the excess baggage of expectation. I will succeed.
If last night taught me one thing it is this. Alcohol is a false prophet, a liar and a cheat. Like any fondness, absence from it for any time increases its intensity, we quickly forget the negatives. Perhaps I needed one more time, to learn that lesson.
Oli (10/11/06)
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Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | 
Kudos for admitting it. Would I have been so honest were I in your mountain boots? And you're right to keep your eye on the goal, not to look back.
I'm going to mix metaphors and describe a curious thing to do with motorcycling (being a biker). Sometimes you might hit a bend just a little too fast, or you need to avoid one of the lethal potholes. In any case, your line goes a tad astray and the kerb starts to creep towards your front wheel. There are two natural reactions to this, and they are both wrong.
One is to brake. This will bring your bike down as surely as hitting the kerb. You have to keep your hand on the throttle, maintaining a steady speed.
The other is to look at where your wheel is going to hit the kerb. You will inevitably steer your front wheel into that point. Instead you should fix your eye on where you want your wheel to be, not where you fear it will end up.
Which is fine if you're aiming to be the first to motorcycle up Everest, but I'm sure you see the point I'm making. I'm sure I could make equally patronising analogies about tobagganing if I knew the first thing about it. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | I suppose without failure you cannot measure success. You probably don't want to hear from me but I think the analogy of mountain climbing you use seems a dangerous and self defeating one. Faced with a whacking great mountain, is a situation to make anyone quail. I mean they're huge and you have to to all that way. Maybe choose something more "do-able"
cheers
BBS | Thanks
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Wise words Snodders.
BBS, of course I want to hear from you! But the Everest analogy, if a little exagerated, is kind of fair. You see, the other side of the coin is this; Would calling it a cake walk make it any easier? And when I do get up there, which I will, imagine the sense of achievement!
Thanks both,
Oli  |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | I agree with BBS. I'm not much of a mountain climber myself, but when I do climb, I do my damndest not to look up. Looking up defeats me every time, so I try and look at my feet. From time to time, when I'm truly winded, I turn around and see how far up I've really come. I'm always impressed and amazed to find how high up I actually am. The husband and kids are already far ahead of me and tend to mock my pitiful, slow progress, but I know what I've accomplished, however long it took me to accomplish it.
While I cannot understand what you are going through (my husband keeps telling me this -- he really sympathizes with you), I do think that by giving yourself a huge task, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Take it one small victory at a time. One failure does not mean that you can't do it -- but it does not mean that you can use that 'Oh, I'll just have one drink right now and start again tomorrow' argument either. The alcohol will tell you that, but it will tell you anything you want to hear. | A word...or ten...
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Hello Oli.
And so the show goes on in the real world. I haven't forgotten about you. Just so terribly busy in the unreal world of money. But I do follow your public rollercoaster. I meant what I said. Whatever people might accuse me of I do not think anyone, save those who keep goldfish between their ears, could ever accuse me of being more than liberal with approbation.
I will try and post up something this weekend to cheer you up. Give you an idea of what you are missing when you are not creating. At risk of sounding pompous, I really think alchohol, et al. has no place in the life of a gifted creator. Total individual control! Harsh? Maybe. But how many talents have disappeared down that drain? Of course I do own that there may be other elements involved. But that's the tragedy. Talent blown by irrelevent incidentals.
Call me uncaring. But, believe me, I am not. Otherwise I would not waste my valuable time telling you so.
My very fondest compliments to you. Drunk or sober.
Slan!
| It can only be you ..
Written by johniebg (541 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | I posted a 6000 word short story (Day in the life of) about the same time you started this blog. It was about an alcoholic and researched the last chapter for accuracy. I would like to know what you think of it as you seem very qualified.
We are all there is, it is what we do that defines us, fight, fight, fight! | We've All Got Our Crosses to Bear
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | | Don't give up Oli because we believe you can do it. But I'm not sure whether I will lose the weight I need to lose. I should start a blog (but I don't like admitting failure because I'm not so brave as you are). PS I hope I've finished my examination on the other channel! ha ha. Which goes to show: Be careful what subject you choose to write about, ha ha. |
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Hi Oli. I can only reiterate what I said on part 1 - there are a lot of people who care about you, so please don't give up.
Don't waste that incredible gift of yours - you have brought joy and consolation to many people with your beautiful words - myself included.
Look after yourself - take care because we care. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | No worries Oli. So you had a bad night and slipped up. Three days forward, one back. That makes two days progress. You sound determined and I suppose that's the most important thing. I can't pretend I understand too much of what you're gong through; but don't beat yourself up. Look at what you've achieved so far, not last night. You seem to be doing the right thing for the right reason.
All the best.
Still here and behind you,
Phil. |
Written by JourneyAtNight (314 comments posted) 11th November 2006 | Ditto to the above. It was just a blip - just climb back up and carry on, you've already proved that you can. Keep going! We all have faith in you.
Take care.
JAN x |
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