I'm not sure if the message of this came out very well, or at all. Do let me know. On Tuesday my class watched a video
about a priest in love with another man.
My world was split in black cracks. The chairs creaked
in the love scenes, as people recoiled from the screen.
hands hurried to cover eyes, and I imagine
that toes curled inside shoes like fat grubs.
In the school bathroom I overheard a girl say
that it made her feel sick. I stared into the mirror
as another called it unnatural. At home,
I wanted to write about it, but didn't know how.
It was if I had lost my words in those crevices,
like pennies down splits in the pavement.
I couldn't walk confidently across the page.
and when I tried, the words were too thin,
there was too much white space left naked.
I wanted to clothe it with my nausea, with the feeling
in my gut, like a beetle from those black cracks
had crawled out and nested there, inside me.
I couldn't explain the sadness, as rumours of the video
resonated in the corridors, calling it pornography.
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Not sure what you're saying...
Written by Talisker (1309 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Man on man action is OK by you? Just the same as heterosexual activity? You like to watch, are neutral to, do/do not find distasteful?
Or did it embarrass you too? Or were you ONLY disgusted by some of the others' reactions?
What makes your feelings and opinions of the film more acceptable, more correct, more justifiable than theirs?
I love the poem, but I would like you to challenge your feelings a bit, and perhaps clarify your perspective on an important subject.
Oli  | Content / style
Written by patterjack (1095 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Forgetting questions about your personal reaction , I comment only on the style .
It is a measured , even , statement , in whiich you stand back from the problem and discuss it with rather less than your usual passion , despite a couple of clever images .
More objective than usual , you seem indeed to lack commitment .
This is a very able poem that discusses inability .
I am not damning with faint praise even if it sounds like it .
patterjack |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Thank you, both of you, for your comments. I think this piece is unusual for me as it tackles a slightly more delicate (and possibly more ambitious) subject than those I usually write about.
Talisker- this is my key worry about the piece, that it doesn't really make clear my view on the subject. The idea is that I'm not so much horrified, or disgusted, by my friends' reactions; I'm more saddened. The piece isn't intended to sound arrogant in any way, and it's a very good point that you've put forward- why is my view any better than theirs? I think my sadness is more due to the fact that they seem unwilling to look beyond the physical into the relationship behind that "man on man action".
Patterjack (or should I call you Brian? I do get confused)- I'm not sure whether you think my lack of passion is a good or bad thing in this case? I'm guessing bad. I didn't realise when I wrote the piece but I think you're right. This piece expresses a kind of standing back and looking at the world and discovering it wasn't what I thought it was, and my disappoint at that discovery (if this sounds naive, it's because I am!). I like your description of it as a piece that discusses inability, that hits the nail on the head- I'm trying to express the inability, both that of my friends, and my own. Thank you for giving me some insight into my own piece!
| good / bad
Written by patterjack (1095 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | I've read this a few times now and I can't quite decide what I think.
You use the line 'My world was split in black cracks', for me, that gave the impression that it was you that was disgusted by what you had seen. This proved a hard impression to shake off, even when it became obvious what you were trying to say.
I liked the form and I liked the poem, the ambiguity certainly made it more intriguing although I think, like Oli, I would have liked a few more clues as to what you personally thought. No matter, I enjoyed it.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6435 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Like Elli, the first impression I got was that you were unhappy with what you had seen. As this was a first reaction it was difficult to change perspective. However, I liked the generally dispassionate view of this. Much like Josie's Christmas poem, had you given a clear opinion, I think many reviews would have ended up off subject.
All the best,
Phil. | good / bad
Written by patterjack (1095 comments posted) 10th November 2006 | Not bad , just different in your case -- and being different can be a good thing , after all .
Be passionate , be dispassionate as long as you are engaged in being !
It all widens your scope and that I think is a good thing .
I too like the poem. It's a funny old business --over the years , when we were working together on an exegesis , students often asked But did the poet really mean all that ? to which the answer is : Possibly not , but this meaning is there for you and me and others : the poet has touched a well of meaning that he did not necessarily know was there in either us or himself . It still remains however as an illumination
And , as in the old joke , Call me what you like as long as it's not late for lunch ! Boom Tish
Brian aka patterjack aka that old ........ |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3169 comments posted) 11th November 2006 | If you are talking about the film Priest by Jimmy Mcgovern then I think the most worrying thing about it was how pretentious, implausible and badly written it was
It was a banal mix of sadomasocism and quasi religious twaddle. Please don't take this sort of crap seriously, there are bettr things to write about. As for the poem it didn't make any sense to me but I'm not a poet and better people than me seem to like it
cheers
BBS |
Written by gutterkitty (362 comments posted) 11th November 2006 | | Thanks for your comments everyone, and for giving me your impressions of the piece. They have served to confirm my fears- the line "My world split in black cracks" gives the wrong impression from the start, and unfortunately the metaphor's laced through the whole piece so I can't take it out! Oh well, I'll see it as just another pothole on the long rugged road towards being a good writer... |
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