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Shorts
Eyes
By peeano1
10 November 2006
...................


 I can tell you of a story of my life. A life I had been deceived of and unwillingly forced into this treacherous path. Nobody believes me but I believe they will once they soon find out the evidence I have gathered over the years.
"It's the eyes", I tell them. But everybody ignores my voice and soon walk as far as possible from me.
 "Someday, they will hear me", I assure myself.
 It is true that the eyes do haunt me. They follow me everywhere. Every step and every movement. I can not hide from them, nor leave this place I live. I am a cursed man living on the phases of Earth. After my body has withered away, I will still be trapped in this nightmare no matter how hard I try. It's the eyes and it's the very thing that has sent fear to my guts.
 Trudging towards the mansion, I feel shivers up my spine. The eyes are soon approaching and I can not rid of the feeling upon me. They are angry and want me. I try to relax but it is of no use. The eyes are drawing me closer and closer until I stand it no longer and run up the steps of the mansion.
 There inside, darkness surrounds me. I leave the door slightly ajar but it closes shut. I can feel the thousands of eyes watching me. As I stumble slightly, thousands of more eyes open. They observe every meticulous move I make and yet as they watch me, I feel a burning sensation inside, ripping through my heart. The torture I suffer is painful beyond words.
 Suddenly, a red light sears through the ceiling and I find myself dragged towards the leader of all eyes. Slowly, it opens and it directs itself on me. Automatically, I am thrown to the floor where the single eye stares at me, as if amused. Sweating badly, I try to look down but the eye holds me and soon drags me towards it.
 Having no voice to scream, my thoughts race. Is the eye going to devour me at last or throw me into the sea of darkness? As I drag closer and closer, the burning sensation inside me grows increasingly painful until I feel as if I would burst into flames. At last, I can stand it no longer and I plunge a knife hidden inside my coat right at the eye. Right away, it begins to melt and melt until it is only but a pool of wetness. All the other eyes melt away but as the last one was melting, it glared towards the ceiling.
 When it fully melted, I felt a surge of relief and happiness. I had finally beated the enemies I had most feared for years. But then, I heard a slight crack. Suddenly, the floor beneath me crumbles and I am crushed between debris and rubble. I feel as if my eyes are melting in my sockets, just like the eyes I had killed before. Then, I realized that my vision is fading away slowly and slowly until I see nothing but vast darkness. And now as I lay here with no sight, I fear that I will have to encounter the eyes once again after this death and continue to live the fear I dreaded so much.

Reviews
Hi Peeano
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 10th November 2006
I was going to rip this to shreds, but whats the point. You are a youngster, trying to find a voice & I want you to keep writing, and I'll keep revewing it. 
 
On the positive side, it's quite sinister and atmospheric. Not a bad concept, the all seeing, following eyes thing. 
 
On the negative side, you need to watch the spelling and grammar. "A life I have been deceived of" doesn't make sense, "nor leave this place I live" - you need "in"...etc etc etc I think its just carelessness, your clearly not dumb! 
 
By the way, apparently you are into rock music, you haven't heard "Harvester of Eyes" by the brilliant Blue Oyster Cult by any chance??? 
 
Take care, 
Oli :)

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 10th November 2006
No..I haven't heard of "Harvester of Eyes"..I'm more into the recent rock. Thanks for your review. I like constructive criticism. I'll make sure I double check my work more. Most of the times, I just write something out of the top of my head and save the story. This was only a rough draft. I'm trying to write as many short stories for an assignment my teacher is assigning me.

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