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By ninecats
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02 June 2005 |
This is a poem abou my city, Milano. The city where I was born, the city I love. Another day in this hectic city. Where most people have no pity. But I do love her, my point is strong. My feeling is no decayed by wrong. Evil folks do not deserve to live here. They can't enjoy skittles and beer. But only the flames of hell. If they only play the bell ! |
Very nice
Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 2nd June 2005 | I did, however want:
a) a bit more and b) more of your love for the city - why? What makes it stand out and what should happen to the people who have no pity?
Nice structure and good use of rhythm!
Just some suggestions.
TW | Greetings, ninecats!
Written by Bagheera (680 comments posted) 3rd June 2005 | and welcome to this forum!
I have to agree with TW that you need to elaborate a bit more on the reasons for your love of your home town.
I wouldn't worry too much about rhyme patterns, to start with: you have a good, strong RHYTHM to the poem and the rest will feel more natural if you just "let it be"  |
Written by ninecats (1 comments posted) 6th June 2005 | Thank you TW and Bagheera !
I stand out for my city because I find that it's too
much slated. There are people who always complain
about everything and have no pity for Milano.
They don't show any generosity, either !
I'm here to also improve my style and elaboration.
I'm not a mother-tongue person, though I love
writing poetry in English. It's a way to complete my
personality.
So clearly I trust your help in improving my poetry
skill. And I just " let it be ". I do love the Beatles'
song and clearly don't be afraid of letting me know
your " words of wisdom ". Thank you ever so much.
Ciao ! |
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