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Desert Orchid Murdered! Oh, Yes He Was! |
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By Talisker
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15 November 2006 |
Britain’s favourite racehorse, Desert Orchid, who was found dead on Monday morning, did not die from natural causes.
The grey, who won the Cheltenham Gold Cup in 1989 and four King George IV steeplechases, was only 27 years of age. Police are not confirming the cause of death until relatives have been informed, but rumours are rife around the stable that “Dessie” was strangled.
Local CID inspector Les B Avenue, confirmed that a post mortem had been carried out;
“This is standard procedure in the event of a sudden death. All I can confirm at this point is that there were irregularities, and that we are looking for either two men, or a horse”.
Stable boy Derek “Stumpy” Moore, told us that when he visited Dessie’s stall at 5.45 on Monday morning, he was knocked over and kicked by what appeared to be a pantomime horse.
The Sunday Sport has discovered that Dessie was set to make a guest star appearance at this year’s Cinderella pantomime in Evesham Repertory Theatre. The production starring ex-Hi de Hi starlet Ruth Madoc in the title role, was also originally set to feature the Evesham Repertory Players regular pantomime horse, Clopperty. Only last week, Dessie’s joint owners, cheeky jock Ally McCoist and silver fox Desmond Lineham approached the Evesham Rep to offer Dessie’s services for a nominal fee. Clopperty has not been seen by his owners since last Thursday, when he asked to borrow a cheesewire, two pairs of carpet slipper and a young person’s railcard.
Inspector Avenue has warned local panto groups that their pantomime horses may be asked to feature in an identity parade.
“We want to make sure that we get the right man, errrr men, errr women, errr pair, errr horse” he said.
Reporter: Jack Beanstock |
Seasonal fun
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3559 comments posted) 15th November 2006 | Is it that time of year already? I thought this a great bit of seasonal lunacy. I must say I have always found those great pantomine horses a bit scary and am quite prepared to believe them capable of dire deads.
Lots of funny moments; my favourite
"and that we are looking for either two men, or a horse”.
so often the police come out with stuff that is unintentionally funny.
Great concept, packed with humour ,but it's all a bit too obvious I think poor old clopperty has been set by shurgar
cheers
BBS |
Written by Phil (6959 comments posted) 15th November 2006 | Funny piece Oli - enjoyed. -But bloody hell - it was a horse - second item on the news coming home from work - before '50 bodies found in Iraq today.'
Keep them coming.
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by ellipinnock (1784 comments posted) 15th November 2006 | How come Copperty can get a young persons railcard? It's hard enough for real young people! Bugger.
Enjoyed this Oli, had a tinge of the surreal to it...
Elli |
Written by ellipinnock (1784 comments posted) 15th November 2006 | *clopperty*
| RIP in Hell.
Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 15th November 2006 | I sincerely hope he was murdered. More's the pity I didn't do it myself. The only time I backed the dumb nag he fell and came in on the night train. I'd emptied my wallet on the bastard! I never got my £4 back.
Nice thought. I wish.
Slan! |
Written by coosh (922 comments posted) 15th November 2006 | His obituary said he had somethng that none of the other greats could boast: he was fallible. A quality which aroused tenderness and admiration, as exemplified by the punter above.
Nice idea, Oli - I thought you could have made even more of it - include a few more national legends... Frank Bruno, Roy Hudd... But some nice images nevertheless. Cheers. | Clopperty
Written by fellpony (1702 comments posted) 30th December 2006 | As someone who once got carried away when checking a panto horse's legs for lameness (yes really, at a local "Question of Sport" type quiz ;-)) I applaud the joke underlying the story.
Loved the list: "a cheesewire, two pairs of carpet slipper[s] and a young person’s railcard." Very surreal and with a lovely rhythm to the line.
I think I'd have left out the Inspector's sentence at the end; it felt a bit of a let down. I loved the idea of the panto horses being asked to an identity parade.
Sue |
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