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By shakermaker
18 November 2006


So repeat yourself
Don't hold back
Polite conversation went down the back

Don't delete the fact
Or try to retract
No hero ever turned his back

Go obliterate
Join the pack
Hunt them down and hit them back

Won't celebrate
Until at last
You smell the blood you can't give back

No joining hands
The respect that you lack
Is clearly apparent as you're thrown in the back

Can't see or move
The van is black
Your actions can't be taken back

Reviews

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 18th November 2006
Does nothing for me, sorry. Perhaps I'm a bit of a thickie. 
 
Phil.
Hmmmm
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 18th November 2006
I think that by trying to end each stanza with back you lost the sense of the poem in places. For example, 
 
'polite conversation went down the back' 
 
didn't really mean anything to me. I got more from it on the second read but I still found it very disjointed and a bit incoherent. Maybe I just wasn't on the right wavelength but I felt that the ideas needed calrifying and that you needed to think again about the form you've chosen. But I do think this has some potential. 
 
Elli

Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 19th November 2006
It's just about a kid who's had too many drinks and believes he's god all of a sudden.  
Trying to keep up an image or rather trying to be someone he's not by being outspoken, chasing someone, fighting them and then being thrown in the back of a police van at the end of the night. 
He's taunting himself in the first two stanzas for his lack of courage,then in the next two he's taking action, and the last two he's taunting himself for his stupidity. 
Quite simple really...and Elli "Polite conversation went down the back" is a terrible line...
an introduction...
Written by no1butClo (337 comments posted) 21st March 2007
...would be helpful. 
 
I do understand what you're getting at, but it needs some working around to put your message accross better 
 
keep going with it - there's definitely potential 
 
clo xx

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