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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Confessions of a site secretary - part 17 (finally the last)
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Extended Work
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| Confessions of a site secretary - part 17 (finally the last) | |
| By teddy | ||||||||||||||
| 19 November 2006 | ||||||||||||||
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That's me done now! Many thanks to everyone who's taken time and had the patience to read my story. Special thanks to Clifftown, Leigh and Elli for their continuous feedback and support. Paul read Adi’s last written words for the third time before placing the notebook on the desk. He lay back in his chair with his hands clenched at the back of his head. Adi loved him! She’d always had. His chest raised up, fulfilled with gasps of happiness. He felt like a teenager who’d just found out that the girl he was madly in love with was sharing his feelings. A second later, an irksome thought spoiled the contended smile his mouth was broadening into. Adi loved him, but she also cared about George. And he knew her well enough to realise it would be hard to convince her that the self-sacrifice in their case would be hurtfully unnecessary. They loved each other, they were meant to be together, but above all, Vicky needed both of her parents. There was one more thing that worried him: Adi had never turned up to see him as she planned. ‘She must’ve got cold feet again.’ he thought. That would explain why he came in possession of her diary. She must’ve convinced George that that was the best way to let him know why things happened the way they did. Paul wondered if George read her notes too, before dropping them off to him. Probably not, he assumed; because he would’ve never let Paul have them if he had found out about Adi’s feelings. One must’ve been too stupidly selfless to risk their own happiness for the sake of a long run out friendship. ‘I need to tell Adi how I feel about her. She doesn’t know yet, but when she’ll find out, she will take me back. Because she loves me, she really loves me, not him. And I am Vicky’s father. If she won’t do it for herself, then she will have to do it for our child.’ he let the hope creep back in. Adi was the only woman that could possibly make him happy and he could not afford to lose her again. Paul rose of his chair and headed for the door. All he had to do now was to find a plan of action. At the moment, the only link he had to Adi was George’s phone number left on his answering machine the night before. He had to be very careful; if George got the slightest suspicion that he wanted Adi back, he would guard her like a Cerberus, he would never allow him to talk to her alone. He walked into the kitchen and made himself a sandwich. The exhilaration stimulated by Adi’s confession made him hungry. And full of hope. He went in the living room and switched the TV on. Sitting himself on the settee, he keenly attacked the sandwich, trying to concentrate on the news programme transmitted on the BBC channel. He needed to clear up his thoughts before deciding what to do next. There was another British Army helicopter gunned down in Afghanistan, there were floods in Brazil and people were still starving in Niger. The Liverpool Street train crash was, however, the one that most preoccupied the whole nation. It was always worse when tragedy happened at home. He remembered the day, the station was only hundred yards away from Harolds’ offices and he could hear the whole day police and ambulance sirens stuffing the area with noise and panic. He sympathised with all these people’s suffering, but, at that particular moment in time, his own crisis seemed to prevail any other form of human misfortune. 'The last Tuesday train crash raises big question marks over the safety…’ the words of the news presenter got stuck into Paul’s mind. His hand froze on the plate lodging the unfinished half of the sandwich, while a chill run down through his spine. ‘Tomorrow’s Tuesday and I’m off to London to see Paul…’ Adi’s words struck him hard, making him gasp apprehensively. With a shaky hand, he put the plate down on the coffee table in front of him. It took him some effort before he managed to make his legs obey to bear the whole weight of his body and stand up. He reached the house phone and dialled 1471 and then his finger hit the button with the 3 digit displayed on it. ‘Paul..’ he heard a weary voice answering his call after few ringing moments. ‘Where is she?’ he asked with the quaking calm that predicts a storm. ‘For God’s sake, George, where is she?’ he anxiously yelled into the phone when he got no reply from the other end. ‘She’s ….’ there were long gasping pauses between words, ‘in hospital. She was… on the Liverpool Street train …last Tuesday morning.. ..coming to see you.’ George confirmed his worst fears. ‘How is she? Which hospital is she in?’ he frantically asked, trying to keep the phone in his hand steady. ‘The Wellington Hospital in North West London…the South Tower….in the intensive care unit.’ Paul dropped the phone and crashed onto the sofa. He took his head in his hands, concentrating hard to keep his mind sane: Adi was in intensive care, George sounded devastated ‘No, no, this can’t be true.’ he tried to push away the horrifying thought that Ady might die, shaking his head in disbelief. ‘No, I can’t let that happen.’ he screamed, punching the back of the sofa with aggressive frustration when the anguish over flooded his brain. He pulled himself up, grabbed his keys from the kitchen’s table on his way out and run through the door. It was nearly six o’clock when Paul’s car hastily pulled into the hospital’s car park. He rushed out and started running towards the entrance. He opened the door and impatiently let a woman pushing a baby pushchair get out first. His absent mind barely reacted when he heard his name called. ‘Paul?’ He turned around. The woman he’d just held the door for was looking at him. His memory struggled to remember where he’d seen her before. Her face looked extremely familiar. Suddenly his mind clicked: the photo that Adi used to keep on her bedside cabinet when she was living with him. His gaze lowered down to the baby curled up in the pushchair. A second later his eyes were hooked onto their very unmistakeable twin pair. ‘Vicky!’ he whispered, kneeling down in front of the buggy. He picked the little girl up and held her tenderly, staring at her amazed. Vicky’s face attempted a frown as if she was just about to start crying, then she changed her mind and plunged both her hands into her mouth, watching the stranger’s face curiously. Paul put her back in her pushchair. ‘I’ll come to see you later, my little Vicky.’ he said, gently running the back of his fingers down on her confused little face. ‘You must be Tina.’ he turned to the woman standing next to them. ‘How is she?’ he anxiously begged for good news. ‘She is…’ Tina bit her upper lip while her eyes were struggling with tears, ‘quite bad.’ His heart sunk. ‘I ….need to go and see her.’ ‘Yes…George’s upstairs with her. Bye.’ Tina’s face put on a weak smile. ‘Bye.’ he said before rushing through the door. When Paul found himself in front of Adi’s room, he had to take a deep breath before getting the courage to open the door. Inside, George was sitting in the armchair next to the bed, resting his forehead in his hand. When he heard the door opening, he raised his face towards it. An anaemic light was scattered over the room by a wall mounted lamp. Paul’s eyes moved instantly to Adi. He approached the bed she was lying in. From above the eyebrows, her head was hidden underneath a big white bandage and she had plastic tubes sticking out of her arms. She looked so frail that Paul struggled to fight back the tears trying to fill up his eyes. ‘How is she?’ he asked when he managed to overcome the sob trapped in his chest. He kneeled down next to the bed and took Adi’s inert hand into his. ‘I don’t know, Paul, I really don’t know.’ George showed him a tired, sorrowed face. He was unshaved and had big dark circles underneath his eyes. ‘I wish I knew, but the truth is I don’t. No one does. They managed to remove a blood clot from the brain, but she suffered other severe internal injuries.’ George gulped. ‘She’s most time under sedation because when she’s awake, she’s in excruciating pain. And I’m just sitting here, watching her, unable to do a damn single thing to help her.’ Paul stared at him horrified. ‘I wanted to go with her on Tuesday,’ George carried on; he needed to talk, ‘but she felt it was for the best if she saw you on her own. So I took the day off to look after the baby. She was terrified of facing you, Paul, I know she was. She was convinced that you hated her. And I know she only agreed to come and see you because of me. Because I put pressure on her. I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.’ George distraughtly run his fingers through his hair. ‘Vicky and I gave her a lift to the station that morning and when we got back I found a note on the kitchen table. ‘Remind me to tell you something when I’ll get home tonight. It’s important.’ she’d written down. She made me curious so I rang her, trying to persuade her to tell me what it was, but she didn’t want to. “No, no, it’s a surprise. You’ll have to wait.” she laughed. She was just mocking about, paying me back old debts.’ George allowed his face a timid smile. ‘I found out later what she wanted to tell me, after I arrived at the hospital. She was pregnant, Paul.’ George agonised. ‘Come on, sit down here.’ he distractedly offered Paul his seat. ‘I need to stretch my legs a bit. I’m going to get us some coffee. It’s gonna be another long night.’ After George left the room, Paul moved and sat down in the armchair. He took Adi’s hand into his again; it felt so fragile. He looked at her desperately; he leaned forward and touched her very pale face with his lips. ‘My poor little Adi, please, don’t do this to me. I love you so much.’ he whispered, gently pressing his face against hers. Few minutes later, George came back with the coffee: ‘Here, Paul. Careful, it’s very hot.’ he handed over to Paul a steaming plastic cup. He put his own on the bedside table and went to grab a chair from the other side of the room. ‘Adi’s parents are here.’ George said after he sat down. ‘We had to send them home this afternoon, they haven’t slept for days. Her mum is in very poor health; she’s taking it extremely badly.’ Paul was unable to speak. He could offer no consolation, no words of encouragement, nothing. Because his own pain was petrifying him, making him immune to the others’ suffering. They sat quiet for a while. ‘George,’ Paul broke the silence, ‘why did you give me her diary?’ It was obvious now that it had been George’s idea. ‘They found it in the handbag she was carrying. I assumed she wanted you to have it.’ ‘Did you read it?’ Paul asked. ‘Yes. Last night, after I phoned you. I wanted to make sure that I do the right thing by handing it over to you.’ Paul looked at him confused: George knew that Adi still loved him and that didn’t stop him for letting him read her confession. ‘I think her notes explain lots of things. I hoped that reading them, you’d understand her better and forgive her for what she did. She’d never meant to hurt anyone, Paul. She was just scared and confused.’ Paul knew that now. He just wished he could tell Adi how much he’d missed her and how badly he wanted her back in his life. ‘George, please, let me stay with her tonight. You need to rest.’ Paul pleaded. At first George looked at him hesitant. ‘Sure.’ he agreed a second later. ’I suppose I could do with a bit of sleep. Please do call me if…you need to.’ he struggled to let the words come out. George stood up and threw the empty cup from his hand in the bin. He leaned over and gently kissed Adi: ‘Good night, honey. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.’ He was just about to get through the open door when Paul called him: ‘George.’ ‘Yes.’ he turned around. ‘Why did you leave it so late to tell me?’ George threw him a tired, desperate look. ‘Because until last night, I couldn’t even consider that Adi might die. Now I’m not so sure anymore.’ After George left, Paul sunk in his seat. He didn’t know how long he lay in there for, dipped in thought, with his head resting in one of his hands, when he felt the one holding Adi’s slightly squeezed. He raised his eyes and found her looking at him. ‘I knew you’ll come.’ she murmured, smiling at him weakly. ‘Adi!’ he leaped of the armchair and kneeled down next to the bed. He buried his face into her hand and, this time, he let the tears trapped at the back of his eyes escape. ‘I didn’t know men could cry.’ she lightly moved one of her fingers in a weak stroking attempt. ‘I’m so sorry.’ she whispered. ‘I can never do anything properly, can I? I always mess things up. I didn’t want you to see me like this.’ ‘Sshhh…’ he warmly kissed the palm of her hand. ‘God, I’ve missed you so much, Adi.’ Her face grimaced with pain. ‘Adi.’ he looked at her worried. ’Do you want me to call the nurse?’ ‘No, don’t. They’d only make me sleep again. And I want to stay here with you. Sit down next to me, Paul.’ ‘Sure.’ he obeyed. ‘Let me know when you feel tired.’ ‘I met Vicky today.’ he smiled. ‘She’s beautiful. Just like her mum.’ ‘Everyone thinks she looks like you. My poor little baby.’ Adi’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m so so worried about her.’ ‘Ssshhh, don’t cry, Adi, please. She’s alright.’ Paul’s hand wiped off the tears rolling down her face. ‘Where’s George?’ she asked a bit later. ‘I told him to go home, get some rest. He looked very tired.’ ‘Paul, promise me that you’ll always let him be part of Vicky’s life. She needs him.’ ‘Don’t talk like this, Adi. We will get through this. You have to be strong, please, for Vicky, for everyone… for me. I love you so much, Adi. I need you. You will pull through, you can’t even allow yourself to think the opposite.’ he affectionately stroked her hand. ‘I’m tying hard to, but…’ she gasped, ’if things will take the turn for the worst, promise me you won’t take Vicky away from George… because that would destroy him. He loves her so much. And he’s been always so good to us.’ Adi tried to fight back tears again. ‘I promise, anything you want….but, please, don’t get upset.’ ‘Thank you.’ her face relaxed. ‘I think I need some rest now. Please stay with me.’ ‘I’m not going anywhere, my love. I’ll be here when you’ll wake up.’ She closed her eyes, exhausted. Paul was afraid to move, he didn’t want to disturb her. ‘Paul.’ he heard her calling him few minutes later. ‘Yes, Adi.’ ‘I love you.’ ‘I know.’ She smiled, keeping her eyes shut. At five o’clock in the morning, George was rushing through the hospital entrance. Once in front of Adi’s room, he slowly opened the door and looked inside. She was peacefully sleeping with a serene expression on her face. Paul was sitting, bent, in the armchair with his head resting next to Adi’s on her pillow. Their hands were clenched together. George shut the door quietly. Outside her room, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the wall, covering the back of his head with his hands. For the first time in days, he allowed the ache and the strain to come out in loud, shuddering sobs: Adi was no longer his.
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