Johnnie asked, so here it is... Diary of a Bacchanal Part 6
So here I am. In all my imperfection, promises broken to Weasel, to you, but most importantly, to myself.
What doesn’t kill us, someone said, makes us stronger. Perhaps sometimes, but the alcohol I’ve consumed in the past three days or so (no more than my usual quota), has left me feeling weaker. Spiritually and physically damaged, the self pity is involuntary, chronic and debilitating. Not a great basis for a “second” try. But I know I must.
The margins of failure are slight. I spoke to Weasel this morning about that. Why should what is on the television be a factor, for example? It’s about habituation.
I remember when this phase of my drinking life started. It would probably be unfair to blame the producers of the populist archaeology program “Time Team” – but there I was, every night, with the wine well chilled, gulping it down with Tony Robinson’s inane witticisms, professor Pat Pending, Noddy Holder and even nice, short clad, flimsy T-shirted female student diggers for sex interest. Perfect, pseudo-intellectual, stimulating in so many ways, unchallenging, and all washed down with a nice cold white wine.
Poor art and entertainment, which almost all television is, goes down a little easier with alcohol. You can see funny angles that don’t occur without the receptors being dimmed a bit. It’s not all been bad either.
I remember the doctor said to me several years ago – “your liver is very resilient” – I could have leapt for joy, but I had misconstrued her meaning. I thought she meant I had a “super liver” and could drink with impunity. I actually said – “what doctor, mine in particular?” No, the comment related to the organ, and not specifically mine. In other words, you have to kick it a lot before it refuses to get up again. But when that does happen, your prognosis isn’t very good, short of a transplant, and even then…
However, let’s not dwell on the negative. So far as I know, I’m not yet beyond redemption mentally, physically or spiritually. The battle can yet be rejoined.
Oli 13/11/06 |
Written by Phil (6688 comments posted) 19th November 2006 | Don't know what to write Oli. You probably don't want nor need my sympathy, but I do feel for you. Giving up anything that's become a big part of your life, no matter how destructive, is never easy, simple or straightforward. As before - ere in spirit for you. (Sorry, pun not intended.) All the best, Phil. | High Noon.... Written by gerardconnolly (1186 comments posted) 19th November 2006 | My feeling is that when you have been arse kicked into the real world come Tuesday night, you will similarly come to realise that no amount of alcohol can disguise want of talent; want of reality; not to mention want of perspective. In truth I do not think you yourself could have any problem with the first of these cautions. However I fear the latter two may force you to go on believeing that : ' The Glasgow Celtic will be there' !...... There is the real curse of drink. Fairyland!!! Abominable!! Slan! | When St. Pat expelled the snakes... Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 19th November 2006 | He missed one for sure. Last known snake-hole, Saffron Walden, Cambs. Dream on Conn! The Pope's Eleven will win at a canter! And we'll hear less of yer fine Irish banter! Reality & perspective? Great beloved son of Mary on a unicycle! You couldn't make it up... Slan! Oli | Bikes , Tandems and now Unicycles ! Written by patterjack (1179 comments posted) 19th November 2006 | Where's Ezekiel and his wheels ? patterjack | Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 19th November 2006 | For those of us with more realistic ambitions... Cov City 3:1 Sheffield Wednesday Though that was only when they were down to 9 men still, a win's a win however you get it
| Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3331 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | I'm starting to appreciate the irony in the title, don't beat yourself up, it could be painful as it is likely to happen again a few times before you manage it. Coincidentally I used to know Phil the Flint Knapper from Time Team, lovely bloke but boring as hell. I could understand him boring anyone to drink. As for hopes of redemption,good luck. I gave up on that years ago cheers J | So good ... Written by johniebg (538 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | | I think the power of the writing is that you are echoing many of the fears we each have, many of us drink to much but what is the fine line between too much and excessive. It is about habit. Enjoying the read if you know what I mean. |
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