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Shorts
The Beast
By peeano1
20 November 2006
.......................


  Its prey continued to graze on the fields, careless of any predators. It munched greedily on the stalks of grass. Alone in the field, the vulnerable creature had in no mind that someone was already waiting for it. And soon, he would be a tasty meal of another.
  The large beast crouched low in the dark shadows. It eyed its meal greedily and licked its lips. Long, sharp canines were exposed and in a quick flash, the beast sprinted towards its prey; quick, steady, and silently.
  At the perfect moment, the beast leaped up and attacked. The other creature struggled and kicked but the beast swiped its claw at the side of the poor animal and sank its teeth deep into it. With a low moan, the creature stopped and was motionless within seconds. Victorious, the predator enjoyed his abundant feast. Ripping through the animal, he tasted the delicious meat inside and enjoyed its fresh blood. When it was satisfied, the left-overs of the corpse was given to the awaiting vultures. Immediately after the beast walked away, they swooped down and fought over the parts each was to eat.
  Running silently through the nearby woods, the beast decided to wash itself in the nearby river. After splashing its heavy fur with the cool water, it decided to begin the hunt of more tasty prey. Seductively walking in a cat-like motion, it spotted a small rabbit, looking for some roots and herbs to bring to his family.
  Hidden beneath a pile of foliage, the predator waited until the rabbit was within reach. Not sensing any danger, the rabbit was joyful when it spotted a small batch of herbs near a pile of leaves. Hopping towards it, it began sniffing the herbs to see if they were good enough for his family to eat.
  As it was sniffing, the rabbit heard a small crunch within the pile of leaves. Instantly, it paused, craning its neck to hear more closely. There it was again. Something was there, in the pile of foliage. The rabbit began to back away but it was too late. The beast leaped out from its hiding spot and pounced on the rabbit. The poor rabbit was killed as its claws dug into the rabbit's chest. Once again, another meal  to be devoured.
  Tossing the bones aside, the beast wandered off through the forest. In every place it stalked, other creatures would run away in fear of being its prey. The beast was very proud of this. 
  Days passed and the beast had no idea where he was going. Generally, he knew where the paths took him but this time, he did not know. Sniffing the ground to sense any familiarity, his senses told him that he arrived in a strange land. There was a mix of blood and a strange sensation of burnt smoke in it like after smell of a burnt forest. Confused, the beast went onwards, determined to find out where he was. After walking around a bit, the sound of rushing water was heard nearby. Excitedly, the beast followed the sound. There was to be another meal tonight.
  However, when he arrived there, he realized that his spot had been taken. Strange creatures that were standing upright with two legs already occupied the area. They were successfully catching abundant amounts of fish. Growling slightly, the beast's anger boiled furiously. He was determined to have his meal. Leaping out of the bushes, the beast attacked.
  The attack surprised both of the men. Scrambling to get their weapons, they tried to distract the beast by leading it through a chase. It was successful. The beast was soon caught up in the trap. It didn't understand what the creatures' were planning to do. Everytime one stepped out, another went the other direction. It didn't know who to follow.
  Out of the corner of its eye, the beast spotted the stack of fish lying on the ground unattended. Making up its mind, the beast sprinted to the pile. Joyfully, it pounced on one of the fish and bit off its head. Ignorant of the strange creatures' shouts, the beast continued to devour the fish. A shot rang out and instantly, the beast felt a stab of pain reach its back. Spinning around, it gave out a loud growl. The creatures were surrounding him but making sure they kept their distances. In one single shot, a peculiar piece flung out and hit the beast squarely in the chest. Letting out one last growl, the beast fell to the ground and was dead.
 

Reviews

Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 19th November 2006
Yes Peeano. All your suff is kinda samey, no? OK I get this, the unidentified beast is a bear, its nemesis is man fishing in his regular spot. All very adolescent, horror cum shock stuff. 
 
Why not try a new theme? Without any slaughter? 
 
A love story? There's a challenge for you! 
 
Keep writing! 
 
Oli :)

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 19th November 2006
Sorry..I wasn't thinking of a bear....I was thinking it was a tiger...Thanks for the challenge. I wrote a lot of love stories but I don't think they're any good...Maybe I'll post some of them.
Ah, tiger tiger shining bright...
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Why would you say a tiger was walking "in a cat-like motion"?  
 
I hate to state the obvious, but... 
 
That's what made me think bear, and the fish thing of course. 
 
You can't go about shooting tigers for no reason! They are a heavily protected species!  
 
Oli :?

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Did I say tiger??? Oh no, it's probably my younger sister fooling with things...Yeah, you're right..I don't know how she got onto my account...

Written by Snodlander (501 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Be careful not to anthropomorphise. Rabbits don't gather herbs for their family, nor am I sure that they are joyful, any more than than tigers are proud. 
 
Unless you're writing a kiddies story, of course, but in that case you might want to cut down on the gore ;)

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Thanks...I now realized that rabbits didn't do that. Yeah, I think I might cut down on the gore. I didn't plan for the story to sound too gory. Whatever comes up in my mind, I just write it down. Thanks for the advice again!

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