I've been reading a lot of Stephen King lately....
I am tempted by your pen of poison
The way you reach for words
Skybound across the waves of a darkened cloud
Discomfort hangs in your hand
The metal grates your skin
Piercing your palm until blood is on the page
Persuading me to visualise
Those memories I do not wish to see
I am seduced, and enclosed in your walls
Gladly, I am suffering
You musn't let me leave your imagination
A glutton for fear is an easy hostage
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Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 19th November 2006 |
| Forgive the typo... |
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 19th November 2006 |
I've never been captured by King. I heard him interviewed recently, and he hates being typecast as a "horror" writer.
One old lady said to him "why do you only write horror? Why not write something nice and hopeful like The Shawshank Redemption?"
"Er I did write that", spake King
"No you didn't!" says the old lady.
Sorry to relate this in your review, but I found it amusing.
Your poem is goodish, don't wish to damn with faint praise. I suppose because its an ode to a writer I don't much like, I doesn't grab me.
Keep writing!
Oli  |
Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 20th November 2006 |
I seen that interview myself, and the King books I enjoy most are actually the less horrific ones like Shawshank and The Body(Stand By Me), The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.etc
To be honest I didn't really start the poem as an ode, but it just seemed that that's what I was doing during the writing.
i often begin something without knowing where it's taking me, and then work out at the end why I wrote it. So even now I'm wondering if it was for King or possibly something/someone else.
If you buy into the thought that all art is self referential then it's quite possible that I'm thinking of something different.
I know a lot of people on here seem to prefer the simplistic approach. That's not to say that many great pieces of art are seemingly simple, yet there was a lot of thought behind them, but it's quite possible that a number of people, myself included, like to dig beneath the surface. I think that, in itself comes from my lack of education with regards to poetry. At school, I remember reading many poems where the teacher pointed things out that were not apparent, and that in turn is probably why I'm always trying to add something else. I guess it's all about a balance.
The morning after, I'm not sure if I like this poem as much as I did last night. |
Written by Phil (6713 comments posted) 20th November 2006 |
I go through my Stephen King moments. Shawshank Redemption and Stand By Me being my favourites by a long way.
Quite liked the poem too.
Phil. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 20th November 2006 |
Well my views on Stephen King are unprintable
The last 2 stanzas of this are ok, you're making a fairly obvious point and it comes across to the reader. However,
Skybound across the waves of a darkened cloud
what's that about? It sounds nice but doesn't really work as a metaphor. Similarly with:
The metal grates your skin
Piercing your palm until blood is on the page
what are you trying to conjure up by using 'metal' particularly? 6As it is it feels quite disjointed with little sense of direction but there were some bits that I liked although it didn't quite work for me as a whole.
Elli
Elli |
Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 21st November 2006 |
| I don't really know how there's little sense of direction to be honest. Seems clear to me. Anyway, metal is what some pens are made from, I didn't think plastic sounded right. The Skybound line sounds good to me, I like the thought of an artist stretching towards something dark and sinister looking for their inspiration rather than something sweet. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st November 2006 |
Of course it seems clear to you, you wrote it!
If you're using metal purely to denote the pen on the page then I'm not quite sure that the idea of grating skin works...although the word 'metal' in itself does have sinister resonances.
The skybound line is ok on its own if you're talking about where the writer is gaining inspiration from. However, because you've used 'words' rather than talking directly about a more abstract concept such as inspiration the reader is more likely to think that you are drawing words from the sky rather than inspiration so I'd be tempted to use a different word there.
I'm sounding more negative than I really intend to be I think...
Elli |
Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 21st November 2006 |
Just a thought, but aren't words part of inspiration? I see your point though and it would be easy to change things.
Can't metal be used in the simplistic way, as in the material of the pen, but give the reader that feeling of something sinister?
I realise I'm trying to defend myself, when your mind could already be made up,but thanks for your comments, I see your point of view. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st November 2006 |
You have a good point on both counts but it's the symbiosis (wrong word but bear with me) that falls down. I've had a think about this and I think I know what it is that troubles me a bit.
First stanza is a bit metaphysical, you talk about the pen but you're mostly considering a metaphor for the abstract concept of inspiration. In the second stanza the poem becomes very physical, you're talking about the physical properties of the pen and a physical reaction on the body. Then you switch back to the more abstract idea of memory and the relationship between the reader and the text.
I think this has the effect of making the second stanza stick out because you're throwing some very physical, literal imagery into an otherwise abstract, metaphorical poem. So, as I see it, if you are choosing the abstract, metaphorical route you could do with toning down the very physical imagery.
You should never be afraid of defending your work-after all this is just my opinion but also be open to the fact that some of what I say may be correct
E |
Written by shakermaker (48 comments posted) 21st November 2006 |
I, again, see what you're saying but,and there's always a but(!) I think the "physical" 2nd stanza could be interpreted as abstract in that the blood isn't real, the blood on the page is the actual writing. The pen isn't really piercing his skin, but it's causing him to spill the gore on to the page. Perhaps due to the frustration of not being able to think straight, the writer thinks metaphorically that the pen is grating his skin and this causes him to put the frustration onto the page?
It's made me think anyway! |
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