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Poetry
Beautiful
By peeano1
20 November 2006
Just tell me what you think...Once again, I don't think this will make it...But at least I tried...

It was there that I spotted her.
Dressed in the finest silk of tassel-yellow gold, I saw her fair face peeking out in the sunshine.
Her dark wavy lengths of hair blew against the wind, leaving me breathless.
Eyes closed, I could hear her hum a tradition Irish hymn. Her voice seemed to send a tingle to my spine.
I gazed longingly at her, not wishing to ruin the moment.
Suddenly, her eyes flew open. She turned and stared straight at me.
Freezing in my hiding spot, I could feel myself heating up. Slowly, I got up and approached her.
She gave out a small sigh and took a step backward. I raised my hand up to show her my meaning in no harm.
For a moment, she hesitated but then let herself be.
Her pale face was the touch of an angel and made me draw closer to her. Still, she stood like a statue, not sure of me.
But as soon as I stood so close to with no air in between, she quivered.
Tilting her chin towards me, I slowly pressed my lips to hers. There we stood as if time and Earth could never readjust. Just like frozen particles in a time that stopped, there we stood.
When the contact was broke, suddenly the chemistry faded along with it. Her horrified eyes worried me until it was too late.
Turning away, she ran and ran until my calling ceased to be heard. And there, she faded into darkness as darkness faded with her

Reviews
Nice!
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Kind of prose rather than poetry, but the words are lyrical and have a beauty. 
 
By far my favorite of your posts so far Peeano, seems genuine and heartfelt.  
 
The structure could do with some work, but altogether nice, and excellent for a 14 y/o wipper snapper, 
 
 
 
:) Oli
Prose indeed
Written by Fledermaus (3307 comments posted) 20th November 2006
I agree with Oli here. Beautiful style, almost poetry, but prose nevertheless. 
 
Indeed some people are so striking you have to watch them. Doesn't mean you want to sleep with them, just that you enjoy the sight of them. Yet I can understand they must find it annoying :grin
A lovely dream -
Written by Josie (2785 comments posted) 20th November 2006
But I agree, this is not poetry. Why not put it in the short story section? On the other hand, you could easily make this into an interesting poem. Was this "love at first sight?". You have captured the whole scene beautifully. Did you awaken from this dream?

Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Lovely. Not quite poetry, but beautifully written all the same. Your last couple of posts have shown a dramatic increase in quality. Well done. 
 
All the best, 
 
Phil.

Written by peeano1 (86 comments posted) 20th November 2006
Thanks for the comments. I didn't think it was all too great. Yeah..I didn't know how to categorize (is that spelled right?) the piece. Yeah, Oli, thanks for the comment at the end..How did you know I was 14? Did I post it up somewhere..Oh well, that doesn't matter....Well, anyways, thanks for the advices/comments guys! :grin

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