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By maipenrai
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04 June 2005 |
The winters snow fell like white tears from Heaven as if God Himself was crying for St.Petersburg and behind the barricade the Red Flags flew strong and proud for all to see the Revolution would go on f |
Umm Written by twriter (117 comments posted) 5th June 2005 | I really don't understand the last line but the rest of the poem is terribly moving. Lovely. TW | Barricade Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 5th June 2005 | Thank you so much for youy comments, the"f" was a mistake which I have now removed, again thanks Bernie | Vive la revolution! Written by StinkAlloy (3 comments posted) 10th June 2005 | I like the fast flow of this poem, Bernie. I read it as two long lines, and I immediately thought of Citizen Smith. Vive la revolution! Or Woody Allen in Bananas. A lovely little rhyme. What revolution were you thinking of, by the way?
| structure Written by Ostara (61 comments posted) 10th June 2005 | Like the other reviewers, I enjoyed the theme and phrasing of this poem, although I am a little unsure of the structure. Is there a reason for it being laid out in this way? If you are trying to put emphasis on certain elements of the poem then that is fair - although it doesn't really come across to me that way. Perhaps it would benefit from trying a few different formats out, then reading them aloud? The title is appropriate and highlights the positive side of the poem - the strength of the revolutionaries. The ending is moving and appropriate, although the introduction feels like it could belong ot a slightly longer poem. I am sure there is room for growth in this - do you agree? | Barricade Written by maipenrai (783 comments posted) 10th June 2005 | Thank you guys for your comments StinkAlloy it is the Russian Revolution Ostara, it is a short piece on purpose, just a short impact piece but i agree it could be taken further, ? ONE DAY again thanks guys Bernie |
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