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Pomes please! - (285 words) |
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By wattle
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20 November 2006 |
Haven’t you English folk got any phone boxes in working order that could be vandalized for fun, or a few walls in need of graffiti? Is it really necessary for your hooligans to be transported to Australia, re-invented as a barmy army? TV and vandalism at home seems a better option. After all it takes less than the flight time for your champions to lose. Next time I take my dear old father for a quiet beer and a counter lunch I expect to see a char grilled Barramundi special, or something natural; pork pie is not acceptable. The man didn’t give this country blood and sweat on foreign soils to watch a tribe of over aged delinquents sing some perverted version of the 23 psalm while watching the soapsuds and pot ash float to the top in a drinking tumbler full of treacle. Here beer should be taken gold and cold, delivered by and with gas; for the constitution. Beer drinking is a solemn affair taken quietly with a teary eye. Due respect should be paid for vacant chairs and absent mates. We don’t want the ashes, but seeing those sad eyes on losing faces and hearing the wonderful silence when the singing is extinguished makes the winning worthwhile. While I’m about it; I will willingly make a pen pal of the Lighthouse keeper on Fastnet Rock and write twice a week if the Royal Mail contracts the delivery to Tony Bullimore; anything to keep him out of the southern ocean. Uncle George is tied down in the middle East and we have to keep half the armed service here on search duties just because Tony Bullimore hasn’t found an occupation at home. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | Ah bless your little heart, just because you know you're going to be humiliated on home soil as well...you just keep busy polishing Glenn 5-0 McGrath's zimmer frame...
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Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | Wrong forum Wattle old chum. Fiction?
Hooligans, the English? Where ever did you get that idea from?
COME ON MONTY!!!!
(Is that old fatty still bowling for you?)
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | | Sorry - should say fat, old, balding fatty. | Please, Please
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | | Aunty Elli, Uncle Phil, it's the ball you should keep your eyes on, not the delivery system. No wonder you guys all wear sandles with socks and put that white zinc stuff on your nose, placing no regard for the frightening effect it has on our wild life. |
Written by Bottleblondesurfer (3362 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | Usually I bow to no-one in my admiration of Aussies whom I regard, on the whole, as the sanest race on earth--except where cricket is concerned. It has the same effect on them that catnip has on cats. That stuff turns a sleek, proud hunter into a dribbling hyperactive wreck. I don't pretend to understand cricket, when I watch it, it's like nothing happens; very slowly.Why do sensible people like Aussies like this daft game?
cheers
J
| Cricket
Written by Talisker (1326 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | The only sport a Scot can support England at. I'm looking forward to seeing Aussie wickets fall like ninepins!
C'mon England!
Beer fizzy and gold? You can keep that wallaby piss!
Oli  |
Written by coosh (868 comments posted) 20th November 2006 | True, Oli, but steady on, man! There's still the enjoyment of seeing the English media go from "we've got this sewn up", to "sack the team" and "we really don't invest enough at grass roots level".
Really enjoyed this wattle. Particularly the last paragraph. Never understand why some dickhead does a Mark Thatcher whilst attempting to be the first person to cross the South China Sea in a watering can, and we're all supposed to feel sympathy for him. Good stuff. | Thanks Guys
Written by wattle (117 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | 'BBS', you offer yourself hope, (as long as a rolling maul is not a turn on)
'Talisker' -- What can I say --- we all make decisions that mold our future
'Coosh' - What a well adjusted child you must have been. | Pomes Please!
Written by Don_Quixote (5 comments posted) 7th December 2006 | | Champions? Champions of, or at, what exactly? The only thing I can suggest is an unimpeachable desire not to offend the locals to the point of throwing in the towel at the slightest whiff of a challenge! |
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