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Great Writing - Home > Extended > Let no man put asunder - chapter 4
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Extended Work
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| Let no man put asunder - chapter 4 | |
| By LynB | ||||||
| 21 November 2006 | ||||||
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Chapter 4 For just a split second, Donna was not sure what to do, but, after whispering a few words of reassurance to the girls, she crossed the room in two seconds flat, and attempted to take Jon in her arms. To her utmost surprise, he held her at arms length, and turned his back on her, his breath still coming in convulsive gasps, as he fought for his self-control. “No need for that!” he said, staring straight ahead. “I’m all right now! I don’t know what came over me! Please, let’s just forget about it!” “Forget about it!” Donna was incredulous. “First of all, you scare me and our children half to death, then you break down and cry for no reason – and you expect me to forget about it! I think I deserve an explanation, don’t you?” “Explanation?” he said, still looking completely dazed. “I can’t! I can’t explain, I just can’t…..” “I think you should try!” replied Donna, picking David up, and rocking him in her arms until he fell silent. “Look at their faces! They’re wondering what the hell is going on!” “So am I!” he said, his voice breaking on a sob. “I wish I could tell you, but I can’t, because I don’t understand any more than you do….” “You look tired, love!” said Donna, her heart aching for him. “Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down for a while! You might see things differently when you wake up!” “Doubt it” he said, his voice expressionless, as though he had no fight left in him. “When I wake up, it’ll still be there!” “What will be there?” said Donna, completely mystified. “I don’t know!” His voice began to rise again, as his anger and frustration resurfaced. “I told you, I can’t explain! I don’t know, I tell you, I don’t know!” “Right!” said Donna, deciding to take matters into her own hands. “It’s not fair on the children to be subjected to this! I know you can’t help whatever it is that’s bothering you, but it’s really upsetting them, seeing you like this! I’ll ring Joanne, and ask her if she can look after them for a while, then we can talk about it! It’s a lovely day, so maybe her and mum could take them for a walk in the park, or something. I’ll ask them, and see what they say!” Without waiting for an answer, she went into the living room, and picked up the telephone. After talking for a while, she came back into the kitchen, and told the girls what they were going to do. They seemed very happy with the idea, but Emily also seemed rather concerned. “It’ll be all right, won’t it, mummy?” she said, taking a swift sideways glance at Jon. “Why is daddy so angry?” “That’s what I intend to find out!” said Donna, kissing her gently on the cheek. “Don’t worry, he’ll be all right! You’ll see!” When she had settled David down to sleep, and the house was silent, Donna made two cups of coffee, and placed them on the table in the living room. She went back to Jon, who had not moved from the same spot since his initial outburst, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, inviting him to come and sit with her. She was shocked when he stiffened, and shook it off. “Please, love!” she said, her voice gentle. “Come on! Don’t shut me out! Come and talk to me – help me to understand!” He walked past her into the living room, and sat down. He would not look at her, but just sat there, with his head bowed and his shoulders hunched, clenching his fists – almost as though he was trying desperately to keep a grip on his self-control. The look he gave her almost broke her heart there and then – it was almost as if he was silently pleading with her to help him, but his stubborn pride would not let him actually ask her outright. She put a tentative hand on his arm, and this time, he did not shake it off. He seemed reluctant to talk, so Donna made the first move. “What’s the matter, love?” she said, her voice almost a whisper. “It doesn’t matter how long it takes – please, tell me what’s wrong!” “It’s so difficult to explain.” His voice was so quiet, she could hardly hear him. “I really don’t know where to start! The way I feel at the moment, it’s so hard to put it into words. I feel out of control – one minute I feel so happy, then I feel like sitting in a corner and crying! Don’t ask me why, because I just don’t know! Then sometimes I can feel the anger building up inside me, until it just boils over, and I lose it completely – like I did just now! I don’t know why I feel angry, because there’s nothing for me to feel angry about – I’ve got everything I ever wanted! That’s what scares me more than anything, Donna – I don’t know why I feel the way I do! I should be happy – I should be the happiest person in the world, but for some reason I feel like the world is closing in on me, and I can’t take any more! I’m frightened, Donna – I’m so frightened! What am I going to do? Please, help me, I don’t know…. I don’t know what to do!” She watched, stunned, as he stood up, and began to back away from her, the look of fear in his eyes going straight to her heart. She got up, and began to move towards him, but he held his hand out so she could not get anywhere near. He seemed very agitated, and he was breathing heavily, with tears pouring down his face. She tried not to show it, but Donna was just a tiny bit scared – she had never seen him like this before. “It’s all right, sweetheart!” she said, gently, as she put her arms around him, and tried to pull him close. “Come on! It’s all right!” “No, don’t!” Donna was shocked at the fear in his voice. “Don’t touch me! Let go! Please, let go!” “It’s all right!” she said, tightening her grip, as he tried to break free of her. “Come on! What are you so scared of? Come on, love! Let me hold you!” “I said – let go!” His rage boiled over once again, and he made one last desperate effort to free himself from her grip, but as she was not expecting it, she missed her footing and fell backwards, crying out as her shoulder hit the armchair behind her. The look of pain and confusion on her face, as she looked up at him, was enough to break him completely. He knelt down next to her, tears streaming down his face. As he tried to speak, all his words came tumbling out at once, and she could hardly understand what he was saying. “Oh, Donna! I’m so sorry! Please, I didn’t mean to do it! You’ve got to believe me, it was an accident – I didn’t mean it! I don’t know what I was doing! I would never hurt you deliberately, you know I wouldn’t! Oh God, Donna, I’m losing it – I’m losing it big time! I’m scared, I’ve never been so scared in my life! Oh dear God, I’m terrified….” Donna took one look at the confused, bewildered expression on his face, and realised she just could not be angry with him. She put her arms around him, and pulled him close, gently rocking him back and forth, as he clung to her and sobbed like a frightened child. Her desperate efforts to comfort him proved futile, and she was at a loss as to what to do next. “It’ll be all right, angel!” she said, stroking his hair. “There’s no need to be scared – I’m here!” “I want my mum!” he wept, still holding on to her as if his life depended on it. “Please, Donna – tell her to come! Please….” “I can’t, love!” she said, her heart silently breaking, as the grown man she held in her arms seemed for all the world just like a scared little boy. “Your mum and dad are away, don’t you remember? You’ve got me! Won’t I do?” “Where’s Eileen, then? Let me talk to her – she’ll know what to do!” “Jon, Eileen’s gone! She passed away just over three months ago! Surely you must remember!” “No! She didn’t! You’re lying to me! I want to talk to her!” “Jon! She did! You know she did – oh, love, what’s happening to you?” There was no answer. He gave a sudden, sharp intake of breath, and held it for what seemed an eternity. As the silence continued, Donna realised he was still holding his breath. “Come on, Jon!” she ordered, giving him a gentle shake. “Come on – breathe!” He suddenly let go, and she had difficulty holding on to him as indescribable howls of anguish shook him from head to foot. Donna did not say any more – she could not think of any words that seemed adequate enough to reach him, during this moment of impenetrable pain. She could not even begin to think what could be so terribly wrong, but there was one thing she did know – she could not deal with it alone.
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