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By Talisker
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21 November 2006 |
Experimental She loves him,
Not in that way.
He needs her
In that way
They make a circle.
She needs a corner to hide in.
His frustration needs to end.
Their geometry is wrong.
Oli 21/11/06
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I've burned the soapbox...
Written by Garrulous (108 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | So let me be balanced.
I like this. I used to have an anthology of similar poetry, very short yet with impact.
Gar. |
Written by LynB (435 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | I like this, Oli - it's different from your usual work, but it caught my eye. It's very cleverly written, and I would imagine it's quite difficult to pull off.
Would like to see some more like this!  |
Written by Witzl (1585 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | I approached this with trepidation -- that title struck fear into my heart. All these years, and the G-word still has that effect on me. Scary.
I like this too, but want it to be just a little longer. Which means that is probably just the right length. |
Written by Clifftown (620 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | An example of how simplicity in poetry can be so effective.
Liked this a lot. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | Interesting experiment Oli and I reckon you pretty much pulled it off. I thought that,
'He needs an end to his need' didn't quite work and I'm not sure that the structure on the page is quite right. I did like this though, an intriguing departure from your normal style.
Elli |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | Liked very much.
'She needs a corner to hide in,' excellent.
With Elli somewhat on line 7, it's not as strong as the rest. Taken as a whole, very effective.
Here's something. Provoked thought, but completely understood. Wow. Brain back in gear - or is it down to quality writing?
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by Phil (6730 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | Better I think Oli. It didn't occur to me before, but perhaps your change makes it more obvious, that the physical structure of this is all about geometry too.
All the best,
Phil. |
Written by ellipinnock (1753 comments posted) 21st November 2006 | Yeh I like this better but I'm saying in my head-
'His frustration needs an end'
Maybe because that ties in with the geometry idea better? Dunno
E |
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